Mazzy or Aggy…the 1/11/11 edition

After a brief hiatus, this series returns with its typical stumper: who is committing the following crimes?  Roommate Mazzy?  Or dog Aggy?

Leave your answers in the comments and you could win either Mazzy or Aggy!!!!!!

Look At This Stuff, Isn’t it Neat?

So we’re going to the beach in August. This is what happens when Mazall plans the vacation:

Mazall: OMG can we play mermaids when we go to the ocean!?!?!?!?!

Claire: how do we play mermaids?

Mazall: OMG claire

you’ve never played mermaids???

Claire: i played “swimming” ?

Mazall: nope

ugh

SO

A. you have to have a mermaid name

B. you have to pick the color of your “tail” and hair sometimes if you want

Claire: mine will be “Beth”

Mazall: nope

lame mermaid name

Claire: Beth the mermaid!

Mazall: C. you MUST and i mean MUST swim with your legs closed together to mimic a “tail”

Claire: Beth the bald mermaid with a purple tail?

Mazall: D. then you dive for “pearls” while singing “part of your world” in your head

oh my god it’s the best!

Claire: and then what happens? do you find pearls and get rich and rule a mermaid kingdom?

Mazall: yup. anything you want

my merdad always made me stay home

so i would sneak out a lot

and then get in trouble

then my sister would rescue me

abusive relationships even as a young kid

Claire: Beth the bald mermaid has cancer and listens to Nickleback

Mazall: OH and then when we got old enough we had merboyfriends

which was great

flirting with no one under water

while plugging my nose so water didn’t get up it

Claire: Beth’s boyfriend is named Trevor

In-Flight Entertainment

Hi! Molly is blogging for me because I am on an airplane flying from NYC to Dallas (where I will then continue on to lovely St. Louis, with its giant arch and its inferiority to Chicago).   I spent the first hour napping awkwardly — I missed the drink cart and everything. When I woke up, the woman next to me was reading what appeared to be personalized statements affirming her life, her dreams and her goals. The following descriptions are from emails I sent to Molly about this woman…

Aggy or Mazzy? Installment tres.

Aggy or Mazzy: likes to lick the carpet?

And we’re back with more questions….Is it our roommate (mazzy) or is it our dog (aggy)?  YOU DECIDE!

1.  Bathes in organic, lavender-scented shower gel?

2.  Entire body is brushed nightly?

3.  Can’t pronounce cadaver?

4.  Is strangely attracted to any man we bring to the apartment?

5.  Won’t let us photograph said Body Brushing?

Answers to the previous Aggy or Mazzy after the jump…

Notes from the Dog-walker

Is it the present day and are we still alive?

Yes?

Then it’s time for a NEW blog series!!!

Every day, Claire’s dog walker leaves a note detailing that day’s walk with Aggy*.  We now take it upon ourselves to create better notes than the ones he leaves reprint them here.

NEW BLOG SERIES! Aggy or Mazzy?

Meet Aggy*:

*Claire’s dog has been renamed to avoid confusion.

Age: 5 or 35
Hometown: Murfreesboro, TN
Occupation: Dog
Hobbies:  Napping, grooming, a general dissatisfaction with city life.
Likes/Dislikes: Food, Men

Meet Mazzy:

Age: 27
Hometown: Salt Lake City, UT
Occupation:  Something in Fashion
Hobbies:  Napping, grooming, a general dissatisfaction with city life.
Likes/Dislikes:  Food, Men

We’ve recently noticed, as perhaps you just did, that these two creatures are more similar than we thought.  Needy? Check.  Naughty?  Check.  Always hungry?  Double check*.  Sometimes adorable?  Ehhhhh…jury’s still out on that one.  Regardless, at times the resemblence is uncanny, which leads us to our NEW BLOG SERIES: Aggy or Mazzy?!?!?!?!?!
*Please note: most of the following scenarios will have to do with missing food.

This Week in Janice: Mazall meets Claire’s Mom

This post is dictated by Mazall but typed by Claire.

So I went to visit my sister in Chicago last weekend. Obviously I had to meet Janice. First, she said she wanted to go to this restaurant called the Bourgeoisie Pig but then changed her mind and said she wanted to go to this place where she frequently “lunches.” Oddly, the place where she “lunches” is not open for lunch.

So we went to the Bourgeoise Pig after all. Janice picked me up in her Buick. She was wearing a pink shirt, sunglasses with rhinestones and a mink coat. We got to the restaurant and the place was packed. She told me to run upstairs with my “young legs” and see if any tables were open on the second floor. They were all taken. So we ordered sandwiches and ate in her car.  Also, we smoked cigarettes.
We talked about men.  Janice said I need at least three boyfriends at all times.  I need a regular boyfriend and two “back-up boyfriends.” She extolled the virtues of the back-up boyfriend. Apparently she had married hers.

Editors note: And then divorced him.

She thinks my roommates should “accidentally” confuse my boyfriends with each other. When I bring Ed home to meet them, they’re supposed to call him Brian. “Oh, this isn’t Brian?” They’re supposed to say. “Sorry, my mistake.”

Janice also told me about how she used to be an apartment building landlord in the 1970s. She got death threats and owned a Doberman. Claire used to take acting lessons when she was little.

Mazall met Janice and you didn't

Editor’s note: Yes I did.

But then she quit.

Editor’s note: Yes I did.

Janice carried three packs of Marlboros and has a twangy Southern accent. I wasn’t expecting that. If I had to sum up my luncheon with Janice in one word, I would say: ……Informative?

Fuse’s Sexy Fail

In between being very social and also very productive today, we somehow found the time to watch Fuse’s 40 Sexiest Music Videos.  Hmmm.  Anyway, after a random sampling, we felt the need to blog about their video selection. Something is very, very wrong at Fuse. One of three things is happening here.

1. No one watched these videos before they aired.

2.  Fuse only owns the rights to, like, 60 music videos, so they had limited options.

3.  The definition of “sexy” has recently changed and no one bothered to tell us.

When we first started watching the show, Fionna Apple’s Criminal was on, in the #19 spot.  “Nice,” thought we.  “This is definitely one of the sexiest music videos.”  We prepared for some serious action.  And then the next one was Miss Independent by Ne-Yo.  There’s nothing wrong with the video and we like his hat, it just isn’t one of the SEXIEST VIDEOS EVER.  Which, I think, is the point here?  No one’s condoning overly-sexy music videos, not at all.  But if you are going to do a countdown, do a countdown.  And nothing by John Mayer should be on it.  Here’s our breakdown of what we saw, and what sexy means according to Fuse.

Best of the Decade: Movies

Ummm, it’s not too late for this, right?  Eh, who cares.  By Tyler Hartsook.

About a month ago, Molly asked me if I would pick the 10 best movies of the decade. Seemed like a no-brainer as I watch about four movies a week, most of which turn out to be turds. With that many stinkers under my belt, it should be fairly simple to pick out 10 great movies. What I realized after a little research is that the 00’s have produced some amazing movies. After scribbling down a list as a starting point, I was well over 60 movies. At a crossroads with how to approach this (and Molly yelling at me for every idea I had on how to structure it) I decided that I was going to title this list as the “10 Movies I Couldn’t Wait to See Again”. Some of these might not even make other Top 50 lists, but you also won’t see those snooty films people feel obligated to like because everyone says they’re “genius”. It pained me to have to leave some brilliant films behind (Eternal Sunshine and City of God for example), but everyone has those lists. Oh, and I am avoiding the whole “brief synopsis” thing — if you haven’t seen these movies you don’t deserve a breakdown.

Things We Don’t Hate

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Everyone who isn’t a flaming Liberal is thankful for the obvious things: democracy, family, bacon, etc.  That’s why, this Thanksgiving, Claire and I are concentrating on the meaningless, trivial things that help get us from one day to the next.  Because THAT, my friends, is what the holidays are all about.

1. TV on DVD, Hulu, Netflix, On Demand…basically TV anywhere other than actual TV
2. When friends stay logged into Facebook on our computers
3. Compressed gas spray cans for your keyboard
4. Ridiculous PR pitches
5. White wine
6. Inanimate object Halloween costumes
7. Red wine