Tag Archives: Mazall

Mazzy or Aggy…the 1/11/11 edition

11 Jan

After a brief hiatus, this series returns with its typical stumper: who is committing the following crimes?  Roommate Mazzy?  Or dog Aggy?

Leave your answers in the comments and you could win either Mazzy or Aggy!!!!!! Continue reading

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Look At This Stuff, Isn’t it Neat?

9 Jun

So we’re going to the beach in August. This is what happens when Mazall plans the vacation:

Mazall: OMG can we play mermaids when we go to the ocean!?!?!?!?!

Claire: how do we play mermaids?

Mazall: OMG claire
you’ve never played mermaids???
Claire: i played “swimming” ?
Mazall: nope
ugh
SO
A. you have to have a mermaid name
B. you have to pick the color of your “tail” and hair sometimes if you want
Claire: mine will be “Beth”
Mazall: nope
lame mermaid name
Claire: Beth the mermaid!
Mazall: C. you MUST and i mean MUST swim with your legs closed together to mimic a “tail”
Claire: Beth the bald mermaid with a purple tail?
Mazall: D. then you dive for “pearls” while singing “part of your world” in your head
oh my god it’s the best!
Claire: and then what happens? do you find pearls and get rich and rule a mermaid kingdom?

Mazall: yup. anything you want
my merdad always made me stay home
so i would sneak out a lot
and then get in trouble
then my sister would rescue me
abusive relationships even as a young kid
Claire: Beth the bald mermaid has cancer and listens to Nickleback
:)
Mazall: OH and then when we got old enough we had merboyfriends
which was great
flirting with no one under water
while plugging my nose so water didn’t get up it
Claire: Beth’s boyfriend is named Trevor

In-Flight Entertainment

28 May

Hi! Molly is blogging for me because I am on an airplane flying from NYC to Dallas (where I will then continue on to lovely St. Louis, with its giant arch and its inferiority to Chicago).   I spent the first hour napping awkwardly — I missed the drink cart and everything. When I woke up, the woman next to me was reading what appeared to be personalized statements affirming her life, her dreams and her goals. The following descriptions are from emails I sent to Molly about this woman… Continue reading

Aggy or Mazzy? Installment tres.

20 May

Aggy or Mazzy: likes to lick the carpet?

And we’re back with more questions….Is it our roommate (mazzy) or is it our dog (aggy)?  YOU DECIDE!

1.  Bathes in organic, lavender-scented shower gel?

2.  Entire body is brushed nightly?

3.  Can’t pronounce cadaver?

4.  Is strangely attracted to any man we bring to the apartment?

5.  Won’t let us photograph said Body Brushing?

Answers to the previous Aggy or Mazzy after the jump… Continue reading

Notes from the Dog-walker

19 May

Is it the present day and are we still alive?

Yes?

Then it’s time for a NEW blog series!!!

Every day, Claire’s dog walker leaves a note detailing that day’s walk with Aggy*.  We now take it upon ourselves to create better notes than the ones he leaves reprint them here.

Continue reading

NEW BLOG SERIES! Aggy or Mazzy?

15 Apr

Meet Aggy*:

*Claire’s dog has been renamed to avoid confusion.

Age: 5 or 35
Hometown: Murfreesboro, TN
Occupation: Dog

Hobbies:  Napping, grooming, a general dissatisfaction with city life.
Likes/Dislikes: Food, Men

Meet Mazzy:

Age: 27
Hometown: Salt Lake City, UT

Occupation:  Something in Fashion

Hobbies:  Napping, grooming, a general dissatisfaction with city life.
Likes/Dislikes:  Food, Men

We’ve recently noticed, as perhaps you just did, that these two creatures are more similar than we thought.  Needy? Check.  Naughty?  Check.  Always hungry?  Double check*.  Sometimes adorable?  Ehhhhh…jury’s still out on that one.  Regardless, at times the resemblence is uncanny, which leads us to our NEW BLOG SERIES: Aggy or Mazzy?!?!?!?!?!
*Please note: most of the following scenarios will have to do with missing food. Continue reading

This Week in Janice: Mazall meets Claire’s Mom

31 Mar

This post is dictated by Mazall but typed by Claire.

So I went to visit my sister in Chicago last weekend. Obviously I had to meet Janice. First, she said she wanted to go to this restaurant called the Bourgeoisie Pig but then changed her mind and said she wanted to go to this place where she frequently “lunches.” Oddly, the place where she “lunches” is not open for lunch.

So we went to the Bourgeoise Pig after all. Janice picked me up in her Buick. She was wearing a pink shirt, sunglasses with rhinestones and a mink coat. We got to the restaurant and the place was packed. She told me to run upstairs with my “young legs” and see if any tables were open on the second floor. They were all taken. So we ordered sandwiches and ate in her car.  Also, we smoked cigarettes.
We talked about men.  Janice said I need at least three boyfriends at all times.  I need a regular boyfriend and two “back-up boyfriends.” She extolled the virtues of the back-up boyfriend. Apparently she had married hers.

Editors note: And then divorced him.

She thinks my roommates should “accidentally” confuse my boyfriends with each other. When I bring Ed home to meet them, they’re supposed to call him Brian. “Oh, this isn’t Brian?” They’re supposed to say. “Sorry, my mistake.”

Janice also told me about how she used to be an apartment building landlord in the 1970s. She got death threats and owned a Doberman. Claire used to take acting lessons when she was little.

Mazall met Janice and you didn't

Editor’s note: Yes I did.

But then she quit.

Editor’s note: Yes I did.

Janice carried three packs of Marlboros and has a twangy Southern accent. I wasn’t expecting that. If I had to sum up my luncheon with Janice in one word, I would say: ……Informative?