We Have Russias!

oh, just some stuff we have around the apartment

Molly and I love Russia. Her fascination with the coldest, most depressing country in the world started in college, when she discovered vodka read Hedda Gabbler. The book moved her to try to become, in her words, “a Russian bitch.”  Vodka just made her drunk.

My love affair goes all the way back to my early childhood, when my father used to convince me to do things by calling me a communist “Only communists stay up past their bedtime,” he would say. “Only communists refuse to eat their vegetables.” Instead of turning me from communism, his mind games made me wish to become a  Soviet.

Molly and I don’t know very much about Russia. Oh sure, we’ve read Russian novels, watched the occasional PBS documentary about the Romonovs, but we’re hardly experts. We’re not even sure how to say ‘Yes’ in Russian. (Answer: Da. How did we not know that?)

So on Memorial Day we’re packing our bags, donning fluffy fur hats and traveling all the way to: RUSSIA!!

Okay, so we’re not going this Memorial Day. We’re going Memorial Day 2011.  You see, going to Russia is a very time consuming and difficult process. We need an entire year to plan. We have to:

Baby’s First Baseball Game

Not really how you use it...

When I got home from work today, Mazall was watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.  Obviously, this was unacceptable.  Her ensuing lethargy, thank the Lord, made it quite easy to grab the remote and switch to the Yankees/Red Sox game (with a brief argument about the many reasons why I would not, I repeat NOT, watch Victor/Victoria).  For some reason, she stayed sprawled on the couch and “watched” the game with me, only rising to refill her glass of vodka and/or show me her batter’s stance.  What follows is 100% true and unedited documentation of our evening’s conversation.  Let’s play ball?

Mazall:  I’m just so fascinated…with their butts

Life is hard for Mazall (and I should win some kind of award for having to be there)

Mon, Apr 20, 2009 at 12:12 PM
mazall: omg neil young is a god.
life is NOT hard with him in it.

Tues, Apr 21, 2009 at 11:27 AM
mazall: YES!
mazall: we are totally the cool kids
you made my dream come true
i’m not the fat kid anymore
life was hard

On Tue, Apr 21, 2009 at 6:01 PM
mazall: ugh cramps. life is hard.
and owie.

Thu, Apr 23, 2009 at 11:23 AM
mazall: hahahah
my kids will probably love you
sigh
you’ll teach them how to smoke
me: so much teaching to make sure they dont end up in a Dickens Theatre Festival
mazall: PLEASE
my kids will be cool and like go to SVA or the sorbonne or something
(in reality they’ll probably grow up to be athletes or scientists. lame)
god would do that to spite me
life is hard

Is life getting easier for Mazall?

A quick Google chat search revealed the following statements from Mazall.  Seems like things are looking up for her, no?  Eh, probably not.

Tue, Apr 14, 2009 at 12:45 PM
mazall: hahah yess
I love making you lol
life is NOT hard

This Just In: Life Still Hard for Mazall

Life is harrrrrrd

For some people, life is quick and easy.  For Mazall, it’s still very, very hard. Unless it’s not.

Apr 6, 2009 at 4:02 PM
mazall:  ugh
stupid bank
in the rain
ugh
life is hard

Apr 6, 2009 at 5:49 PM
mazall:  ugh what am i going to have for dinner
i’m so sick of eating.
life is hard

Apr 6, 2009 at 5:49 PM
mazall:  i just had a glass of perseco at work. life is NOT hard

Apr 7, 2009 at 1:56 PM
mazall:  i just used the word cinchy
life is not hard in the 80’s!
me:  what does that even mean?!

Wed, Apr 8, 2009 at 10:39 AM
mazall:  all my blouses smell like cooked meat.
life is hard

Apr 8, 2009 at 12:44 PM
i need more coffee
life is hard
(Molly’s note: please note the time)

Life is still hard, for Mazall

For some of us, life is easy.  For Mazall, life is hard.  A collection of complaints from the past week:

March 29th, 5:50 PM
mazall: but when i save netflixes to watch with you, you never end up
watching them
you’re not there for me
life is hard

March 30th, 2:00 PM
mazall:  omg someone should make undies that say “YES YOU CAN” on the crotch
yessssss
life is NOT hard
when i think of great ideas

March 30th, 2:52 PM
mazall: ugh i read some of that book last night and just tallied my debt
SAD
life is HARD
I need to marry someone rich

March 31st, 3:05PM
mazall: damnit i forgot my gym clothes.  life is hard.

April 3rd, 12:41PM
mazall: where is life is hard with mazall hmmmm?
me: that’s on Saturdays
mazall: no way! friday
I WANT IT ON FRIDAY! life is hard sigh

April 3rd, 5:50 PM
mazall: tous che
sp?
eh
life is hard
molly:  touché

April 3rd, 5:13 PM
mazall:  i wish i had been alive in the 60’s so i could have slept with jimi hendrix
life is hard
and then raised our mixed race love child
sigh

“Life is hard” for Mazall

For some people, life is easy.  For my roomie, life is hard.  This is a compilation of gchats from Mazall this week:

March 26th, 12:40pm
mazall: no one is texting me back
i text like four people this am
ugh life is hard
you should have a life is hard blog

March 26th, 1:51pm
mazall: you know what sucks about <redacted> (among many other things) is that he made one of the best mixes i’ve EVER received
and now i hate that i love it
sigh
life is hard
tear

March 26, 2:03pm
mazall: ugh i’m going grey at 26. life is hard.

March 26th, 3:05pm
mazall: omg best rice krispie treat ever. life is not hard.

March 26th, 5:05pm
mazall: i i’m getting corporal tunnel. life is hard
me: sigh
it’s carpal tunnel

March 27th, 3:14pm
mazall: sometimes i don’t like eating dark leafy lettuce. life is hard.