Fictional Employment

Oh deer!

By the very real Dan Luzer

JournalismJobs is a website (Molly’s note:  and an oxymoron) that lists job openings for “employment” in the journalism “industry”. It’s sort of a hit or miss website. In general, the site contains a lot of internship opportunities and also a lot of jobs where it’s obvious that they don’t hire from JournalismJobs. I mean, I’m pretty sure local papers hire locally. But whatever; it’s always interesting to picture yourself working somewhere you’ve never even heard about: Garwin, Iowa.

Well, that’s a possibility, I guess.

One posting that I saw looked really interesting, however:

What do you mean I am the one?

insert some kind of copyright here

By Dan Luzer, not us. We are getting really good at this.

From the high reaches of serious journalism (People Magazine) comes this latest, groundbreaking headline:

“Michael Jackson’s Dermatologist: ‘I Am Not the Father'”

Jackson’s dermatologist (what a project that must have been) is Dr. Arnold Klein. Klein is a professor at UCLA medical school and the owner of what looks like a very lucrative private practice. Klein is apparently “alleged to be” (love the anonymous sources, People) both 1) the father of Michael Jackson’s children and 2) the supplier of all sorts of prescriptions Jackson abused. Klein protests that he’s innocent, though his rationalization falls somewhat short of convincing:

From The Archives: An Open Letter to Chateau Diana

Last night, I was complaining to Claire that Duane Reade had some gall trying to charge me $3 for a mini-box of Wheat Thins. Unfortunately, I was hungry so I bought them BUT THEY WILL PAY EVENTUALLY! I decided I was going to use the most powerful and accessible weapon I had. Something that cuts deeper than a sword. A bullet that pierces not just the body but the soul. I was going to…write them a letter.

You see, Claire and I are well aware of the power of words; there happens to be a great epistolarian in our midst who once authored a notorious complaint letter to a fake wine company. AND THEN GOT FREE WINE! Unfortunately, instead of writing my own letter in the hopes of getting a mini-box of Wheat Thins, I spent hours digging through my emails to find his letter. I shall now post it and go back to work (hope you don’t mind, Dan). But you’re on notice, Duane Reade!

Fridays With Evan: Weekend Edition

So Molly went home to Atlanta for Easter (what, is she like religious or something?) which means that I’m in charge of posting the Fridays with Evan questions. Which means that Fridays with Evan are going up late Saturday evening. What? I was busy.
Instead of apologizing for doing these late I’m going to congratulate myself for posting them at all. Hurray for mediocrity.

Claire: What is the difference between whiskey/whisky and why is it called bourbon in Kentucky?

Whiskey comes from Ireland and the U.S.; “Whisky” from everywhere else. If someone tries to sell you Scotch Whiskey, punch that dude out (the only thing that makes it Scotch is that its distilled in Scotland). Bourbon is whiskey that is more than 51% corn, and gets its name from Bourbon County Kentucky.