Tag Archives: Either/Or

Either/Or with Marc…third installment

27 Apr
Marky Marc

Marky Marc

Marc is Claire’s friend (as he so annoyingly reminds us below.  barf) but I have taken over the question-asking this weekend, as Claire is too busy eating Mexican pork with her father.  Here goes…

Detroit or Wall Street?

Marc: Detroit isn’t much more than riots, poverty, cars and bad professional sports. Wall Street is known for money and greed, and plenty of both. Both of these entities share responsibility for the disposing of our economy, quite nicely I might add. Wall Street did it in such a slick, Gordon Gecko sort of way that you almost have to admire their complete lack of morals and utter sleaziness. Detroit on the other hand, well, it’s hard to admire a city that burns itself down every six months. Motor City loses, like it always does.

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Either/Or With Marc

18 Apr

Marc has opinions. These opinions are frequently wrong. Here are some of them.

Marc reads books

Marc reads books

Note: Claire and Molly will not be held accountable for anything he says. Unless it’s funny or insightful, in which case we thought of it first.

Fat people vs. Gays
Well the obvious answer here is a very gay, very fat man. Foregoing that option though, the answer is clearly Gays. If we’re going by stereotypes, which we obviously are, both of these groups are exceedingly jolly, often do well with beards and are typically found as the hilarious friend of a television or movie character. Celebrities include, but are not limited to, Homer Simpson, Doogie Howser, Dom DeLouise, John Waters, Santa Claus, Ellen DeGeneres, Notorious B.I.G. and Rosie O’Donnell, who bats for both teams. Gays come out on top though due to their delightful wit and generally immaculate fashion sense. The potential for slovenly behavior and 400 pound frequenters of Long John Silver’s does not bode well for Team Fatso.

Never being able to say how you feel to the person you love vs. telling them, being rejected, and dying alone
This is basically dying on the inside vs. dying on the outside. I’d rather die on the outside and score pity points from many people, not to mention the opportunity to harbor a good grudge, which is always fun. The latter is the correct choice. Besides, if this person doesn’t like me, how good could they possibly me? I’m better off without that loser.

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Either/Or with Marc

5 Apr

MarcMeet Marc. Marc has been one of my best friends since sophomore year of college when I discovered that he could play Ben Folds songs on the piano. I’m not sure what to say about our friendship except that it is based on mutual animosity and the knowledge that neither one of us ever wants to talk about serious issues ever. “I’m dying of cancer,” one of us will write in an email. The other one will reply with link to a YouTube video of a man getting hit in the nuts.

Marc has a lot of opinions, but they’re almost always wrong. For example, he loves the St. Louis Cardinals and hates the Cubs. I don’t even know how this is possible because he a) is from Illinois b) supports all other Chicago teams c) is an otherwise upstanding citizen. I understand when people from other states support their local teams; they were born in the wrong city and just don’t know any better. But Marc has no excuse. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong. It’s like stealing from a church donation bin or sleeping with a cousin or subscribing to Newsweek. Marc is probably the most sports-obsessed person I know, so I have a hard time arguing with him about his bad life decision. He knows more than me (like the names of the players…and what’s happening during the game) and there’s very little I can do to win the argument. Instead I rely on name-calling and insults. But even if Marc wins the arguments, I know I’m right. I mean, I can’t explain the scientific reasons why smoking crack is bad, I just know that it is. Oh man, Marc sucks.

Yet despite his obvious failure, he and I have remained good friends. I thought it would be fun to put Marc’s opinionated nature to the test. So I gave him a list of categories, and he had to pick which topic was better. Here is what Marc thinks about….

Sports v. Music
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