In-Flight Entertainment

28 May

Hi! Molly is blogging for me because I am on an airplane flying from NYC to Dallas (where I will then continue on to lovely St. Louis, with its giant arch and its inferiority to Chicago).   I spent the first hour napping awkwardly — I missed the drink cart and everything. When I woke up, the woman next to me was reading what appeared to be personalized statements affirming her life, her dreams and her goals. The following descriptions are from emails I sent to Molly about this woman…

Claire: This woman in front of me on the flight is a piece of work.  She started out reading printed sheets of paper that said things like “I’m beautiful.  I’m smart.  I will make the most of every day.” Then she went on match.com and emailed some guy but misspelled the word “accidentally”.  In her email she said she was 54 and was moving out to LA to start a new life. Then she started reading a self-help book. Then she cried. Then she talked to the man next to her about the book The Secret and the need to have a “balanced life.” Her name is Marta. She is the best people-watching subject I’ve had in a long time.

Molly: Can you blog about her?

Claire:  I thought about Blogging her.

Molly: DO IT!  If not, I’m blogging your e-mail.

Claire:  OMG she has a scrapbook of inspirational photos, most of which seem to be beach-themed advertisements, like one for Hawaii vacations and another for an antidepressant. One of the scenes is of a beachfront condo with a large bay widow opening out onto a gorgeous ocean. She drew a stick figure standing at the window and something that appears to read “my ultimate destination.”

Quote: “Do you know what a vision board is? It is a picture of myself and my dreams, everything I want expressed in pictures and words.” One is a Gap ad. She apparently likes the model’s outfit. Another is a picture of Oprah with a speech bubble coming out of her mouth saying, “Welcome, Marta!”

I WILL EAT MARTA

Why is she so open about all of this?

And yes you can blog this.

Molly:  Okay, keep sending me factoids.  Can we get a pic?

Claire:  She is thin for a 54-year old woman. Tan. Dyed blonde hair to her shoulders. A totally jacked face.

Her life goals:
1. live by the sea
2. love by the sea
3. give by the sea

(Molly’s note: So basically she wants to be Diane Keaton Lane in Nights in Rodanthe)

She attributes her success in life as an artist (she is an artist! Of course she is…though she’s dressed a bit business-y) to a teacher in high school who “opened me up to art and my feelings.”

Awww darn we are exiting the plane. Bye, Marta!

Molly:  PICTURE!

Claire: Hold on. We de-boarded plane. And I have to find my connecting flight.

Molly:  In my mind she looks like Mazall.

Later that day…

Molly:  do you have a pic of you jumping by the sea?
Mazall: Nope…why?
Molly:  Oh nothing
Mazall: Yeah, right.
Molly:  …Just the blog
Mazall:  What? Why? What topic?
Molly:  A lady who sat by claire on the plane who cried and read self-help books and cut out beach photos for inspiration……
Mazall: THANKS.  jerk.
Molly:  She is beautiful and can do anything!
Mazall:  Uh huh.
Molly:  Anyway she really liked the sea!  Can you just jump up in the bathroom with the water running or something??  And take a pic??
Mazall:  Nope.  Working.  You should try it sometime.
Molly:  I AM working!  This blog doesn’t just write itself!

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8 Responses to “In-Flight Entertainment”

  1. Molly May 28, 2010 at 5:23 pm #

    Thanks to Mazz for instantly correcting my Diane Keaton/Lane error.

    • mazz May 28, 2010 at 5:26 pm #

      *BOWS*

    • Marc May 29, 2010 at 4:43 am #

      This is a common error. I once got ALOT of shit for saying how hot Diane Keaton was. Weeks went by before I realized that I was talking about Diane Lane.

  2. Ryan May 28, 2010 at 5:55 pm #

    Why would she look like Mazall? Didn’t Claire say she had blonde hair? I want to do everything I can to make sure I am not like her in 24 years….

    • Molly May 28, 2010 at 6:01 pm #

      because Mazall also has visionboards.

    • Claire May 30, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

      she did have blonde hair! and looked like the actress who played Peggy Bundy if Peggy Bundy had gotten into a very bad car accident

  3. Marc May 29, 2010 at 4:51 am #

    I don’t know where to begin. First she sounds kind of like Stuart Smalley. Then I think maybe she’s been watching Dr. Phil every minute of every hour of every day. Then I think maybe she’s just totally insane and is likely to stab someone with a fork for laughing at something entirely unrelated to her. Then I realize she’s actually a Nicholas Sparks character brought to life, which actually sounds like the plot of a really shitty movie starring Jennifer Garner.

    Either way, given that you’re going to St. Louis, youre weekend probably just peaked, Claire.

    • Molly June 1, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

      ZING

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