I’m With the Band

On Friday, Molly and I went to see the Avett Brothers at the Filmore East, also known
as Irving Place (although why you’d rename a historic venue is beyond me). They played their best songs, Molly got a good view of her favorite Avett, and I only complained about my $10 watered down drink once. It was a great show. At least, we think it was a great show. We’re not really sure because we spent most of the time criticizing people in the audience.

Think they're related?

There’s something about a music concert that turns otherwise normal people into raging d-bags. It doesn’t matter whether you’re seeing Slipknot or Paula Cole, the audience is always the same. There’s the person who cuts in front of you. The person who spills his drink on you. The person who shouts “WOO!!!” directly in your ear. Molly and I started cataloguing our annoyances and we came up with a list of 12 awful concert moments.

Diversity Training: Music Edition Vol. II

Things I could blog about
1. Conan’s Tonight Show debut is the best thing to happen to television since…well, television
2. Ellen Degeneres’ stand-up special makes me laugh so hard I can’t breathe
3. Everyone on the Upper East Side wears plaid shorts

cuddly and badass at the same time

Things I will blog about instead
1. Me.
2. Drew.
3. Music.

We decided that the second round of Diversity Training: Music Edition should cover guilty pleasure songs. You know, the tunes that you try not to love but somehow find yourself singing in the shower, drunkenly requesting at a party, or playing on repeat on your iPod until you get to where you’re going and then you surreptitiously switch to Radiohead so people think you find Thom Yorke’s incessant sing-whining beautiful and artistically valid.

While we are on the subject of cats and creeps…

ugh

Yes, the picture to the right is a little blurry.  But I’m no Ansel Adams (especially not on a shaky crosstown bus when my only “camera” is on my blackberry.  Also, I don’t like nature).  What you are looking at is a woman with the word “ugh” tattooed on her ankle, above a picture of a quirky cat.

Ugh.

The whole point of this word is its snarkiness.  Its cynicism.  We who utter it possess a simultaneous acceptance and rejection of whatever lemons life may hand.  But when you put this sacred word above felix the cat, in permanent ink, ON YOUR BODY, I feel like it loses some of its meaning.  Unless this woman was doing a little point/counterpoint exercise:

Point: Ugh, I’m single
Counterpoint: This cat fetish is the reason why.

(P.S. No, this is not Mazall.  She has slightly better shoe taste)

THE GREAT DEBATE: KATE V. JULIET

“In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.”

— Oscar Wilde

Today, the gloves come off. The Mighty Drewpreme and I agree on many things (higher education, Ralph Lauren clothing, a cheesesteak a day to keep the doctor away, how there’s never a bad time to start rapping in public), but when it comes to the women of LOST, it’s WAR!!!! We are, however, gentlemen and scholars, and shall debate this season-old predicament with strict adherence to the Reserved Debate Board Rules of the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry. They are as follows:

Topic must be posted and agreed upon along with debate room reserved.
200 word limit.
TOPIC: Who is the better Lady of LOST, Kate or Juliet?
Debater 1: Drew, arguing for Juliet
Debater 2: Molly, arguing for Kate

Opening
Debater 1 makes opening statement.  Debater 2 responds.
Debater 2 makes “second” opening statement. Debater 1 responds.
Cross Examination
Debater 2 asks 1 question.  Debater 1 responds.
Debater 1 asks 1 question.   Debater 2 responds.
Concluding remarks from both sides
Debater 2 makes closing statement
Debater 1 makes closing statement

GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!!!!

BREAKING NEWS

this next song is called "cat nip for mr. tumkins"

Ugly people can sing!

(But….they’re still ugly)

Either/Or With Marc

Marc has opinions. These opinions are frequently wrong. Here are some of them.

Marc reads books

Note: Claire and Molly will not be held accountable for anything he says. Unless it’s funny or insightful, in which case we thought of it first.

Fat people vs. Gays
Well the obvious answer here is a very gay, very fat man. Foregoing that option though, the answer is clearly Gays. If we’re going by stereotypes, which we obviously are, both of these groups are exceedingly jolly, often do well with beards and are typically found as the hilarious friend of a television or movie character. Celebrities include, but are not limited to, Homer Simpson, Doogie Howser, Dom DeLouise, John Waters, Santa Claus, Ellen DeGeneres, Notorious B.I.G. and Rosie O’Donnell, who bats for both teams. Gays come out on top though due to their delightful wit and generally immaculate fashion sense. The potential for slovenly behavior and 400 pound frequenters of Long John Silver’s does not bode well for Team Fatso.

Never being able to say how you feel to the person you love vs. telling them, being rejected, and dying alone
This is basically dying on the inside vs. dying on the outside. I’d rather die on the outside and score pity points from many people, not to mention the opportunity to harbor a good grudge, which is always fun. The latter is the correct choice. Besides, if this person doesn’t like me, how good could they possibly me? I’m better off without that loser.

Diversity Training with Drewpreme, Style edition

To demonstrate that diversity training goes both ways, Drew and I will now educate each other on controversial topics. And by controversial topics I mean clothes. After all, Drew has more in common with his twiggy, fashionista co-workers than they might suspect. He’s the only man I know that travels to another borough to get his “wig tightened” and he has more accessories than a Claire’s boutique. I, on the other hand, simply dress well by wearing the opposite of whatever Mazall wears (sorry, babe, but this is punishment for refusing to have my child). But even two style-conscious mavens like Drew and myself stop dead in our well-heeled tracks to contemplate certain fashion trends we don’t understand. Thankfully, we’ve got each other to help sort it all out.

Drew: So, Molly, what’s with the proliferation of ballet shoe footwear as fashion? I mean seriously, these cannot be good for logging miles in the urban jungle…

Molly: Au contraire, mon Drewpreme. These shoes are actually PERFECT for the commute. They are adorable and comfortable, and you can wear them to work OR switch into heels when you get there. You must agree that there is nothing worse than wearing big ol’ commuter sneakers with an otherwise chic work outfit (sorry, Alyssa).

Drew: HRUMPH. The chicks that wear ballet shoes look like the only walking they do is to catch a cab. But you make a point. The slouch socks and Sketchers with a suit is not what’s hot on the streets.

Why John Smoltz WHY?!

😦

For 20 years, John Smoltz pitched for the Atlanta Braves and no one else. He even debuted on my fifth birthday because he knew how much it would mean to me…later. You just don’t find that kind of loyalty in the MLB anymore. And to prove it, when his shoulder fell off and his contract ended last year, Smoltz left Atlanta to sign with the second worst team ever. So much for happy endings.

I want to hate him. I NEED to hate him. But I just can’t. Those eyes…that smile…that splitter!

Basically, Smoltz is doing everything I love doing: stealing money from the Red Sox, secretly visiting Jeff Francoeur the Braves clubhouse, and golfing with Tiger Woods. So I should be happy for him, right?

Casual Fridays (alternate title: Bad Idea Jeans)

So much to say about this topic, so little time left on the 12:30 conference call. (Unlike Claire, I know how to multi-task).

Here’s the theory: I’ve noticed four basic groups of casual Friday goers and anything that can be broken into categories intrigues me.

Because the real Thursday Styles is pathetic.

getty images/nytimes

The New York Times‘s Style section is probably the worst part about any given Thursday. I’m not the only one who feels this way. Their “editors” have inexplicable enthusiasm for the the silliest, most obvious things (ties are in! No money for Botox!) and a serious knack for forecasting trends you never, ever hear about again (people will accessorize with band-aids! Face Yoga!). Look at today’s main story for example: Robot Clothes!

From the Times:

The futuristic look of yesteryear is everywhere you turn, from the catwalks to the big screen and beyond…

Except no, it’s not. You know where people aren’t wearing metallic unitards and “steely man-cuffs”? IN REAL LIFE. Ugh! A much better article would have been why robots dress like Amish women.