Tag Archives: Evan

Antelope v. Reindeer

8 Jul

Some people mix them up, okay?  They both frolic, they both have horn things, they both think the caribou totally sold out…  I’m sure I can’t be the only person in the world to get them confused when requesting their likeness on a cake pop.  Sigh.  If only there was a scientist or something to explain the difference….  Wait, is it…Friday?

Molly:  hi.  do you have anyone at your institution who could explain what the difference between a reindeer and an antelope is? Continue reading


Every Now and Then with Evan

12 Jun
This happened in the South.

Evan got hot nuts in the South.

So, sometimes Claire and I have to work on things besides this blog. I know. Which is why we take certain liberties when it comes to our “content”: farming it out to friends, making it up or, mainly, just cutting and pasting it from Gchat.

BUT EVAN HAS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT ANSWERING OUR FRIDAY QUESTIONS!!! My tv shows (PLURAL!) happen daily, Claire’s magazine is weekly. Evan? His publication comes out once a month, if even. Plus, he only has to cover one subject–Science! That’s like, the easiest one of all. The Earth is getting hot, Pluto’s not a planet, Stephen Hawkings is smart cause he talks in a robot voice. Done and done. And yet, Friday after Friday, Evan lets us down by ignoring our questions and breaking the hearts of tens of twenties of our weblog readers. To add insult to injury, he casually informed us that the latest questions were “lame”.

Now, in retrospect they were. Especially Claire’s (after all, when I promised Evan better questions this week she was suspiciously silent). Let’s take a look at what she asked a few weeks ago… Continue reading

Dispatches from a Mets game with Claire. Or, “Three Strikes You’re Out”

12 May

Not Amazin'

#1 Claire, Evan and Molly sit together on a quiet 7 express train. They are on their way to CitiField and are, naturally, talking about baseball. Manny Ramirez comes up.
“But seriously,” says Molly, “everyone does steroids. Even me!” She then flexes her ‘biceps’ and the group laughs. The obvious stream of muscle jokes begins:
Do you have a band-aid? Because I’m cut. Do you have any tape? Because I’m ripped. Tickets to the gun show, etc.
Then Claire decides to take it to the next level.
“Are you the President of the United States?” she says while flexing. “Cause I’m Michelle Obama!!” People are staring and Evan is shaking his head. Claire can’t stop giggling, and adds:
“Also, are you from Malwai? Cause I’m Madonna.”

#2 Claire: “How long is a baseball game?”

#3 Claire and Molly go to the bathroom and, unfortunately, their stalls are adjacent. The game is playing over the speakers, and someone on the Mets doubles. The stadium roars. “OH NO!” Molly yells from her stall.
“What!?” says Claire. “Did you pee on yourself?”

Fridays with Evan, redux

1 May

A Friday with Evan

A Friday with Evan

“It’s been a long time,
we shouldn’t have left you
without a dope beat
to step to…”

— Aaliyah ft. Timbaland, Try Again

Claire: What happened to last week’s Fridays with Evan?

Evan: This and this. Not that doing a story on energy drinks kept me in the field and archives for a whole week, but due to the ongoing collapse of our entire industry, Seed‘s having me toil in the Interweb Mines a lot more than usual. I’ve also got a piece I’m editing on adiabatic quantum computers, and one on baby brains due up next week (Preview: they are both delicious).

Molly: Zeitgeist The Movie said there is no law that I have to pay income tax. I’d like to drink the kool-aid but can’t figure out how to get them to stop taking it out of my paycheck? Continue reading

Fridays With Evan: Weekend Edition

12 Apr

So Molly went home to Atlanta for Easter (what, is she like religious or something?) which means that I’m in charge of posting the Fridays with Evan questions. Which means thevan1at Fridays with Evan are going up late Saturday evening. What? I was busy.
Instead of apologizing for doing these late I’m going to congratulate myself for posting them at all. Hurray for mediocrity.

Claire: What is the difference between whiskey/whisky and why is it called bourbon in Kentucky?

Whiskey comes from Ireland and the U.S.; “Whisky” from everywhere else. If someone tries to sell you Scotch Whiskey, punch that dude out (the only thing that makes it Scotch is that its distilled in Scotland). Bourbon is whiskey that is more than 51% corn, and gets its name from Bourbon County Kentucky.

Continue reading

Once again, Fridays with Evan

3 Apr

wizWhen Claire and I try to answer our own questions, this is what happens:

Molly: also i burned my hand on potato leek soup
Claire: ….did you stick your hand in the soup?
Molly: no it fell out of the ladle onto my hand
Claire: dang!
Molly: it burns
Claire: that’s hot soup
Molly: it was REALLY hot, and it just sat there, eating my flesh.
ironic, since i was going to eat it
Claire: you injure yourself a lot with various food/drink mishaps
Molly: i know. do burns cause wrinkles?
Claire: i don’t think so
Molly: also, potatoes should never be heated this hot
Claire: although it dries out your skin
why was the soup so hot?
Molly: another good questions
Claire: wait….in my mind, you were heating up the soup
Molly: also, i had to do this quick nasty move where i just smeared the soup all over my hand and arms to make it less hot because there were no napkins.
no, this was out of a pot
Claire: did you not heat up the soup? did it come that hot?
Molly: with a ladle
Claire: oooh
Molly: in the cafeteria
subsidized soup
i should sue
Claire: you should!

Yep. Point is, it’s a good thing Evan came back because, obviously, our questions aren’t going to answer themselves. Evan explains why Claire is white and why beer helmets are healthy, post-jump. Continue reading

Fridays with Evan

27 Mar

We promised you Evan (who writes about science and therefore knows everything) and, not by our own accomplishment but rather by his vast benevolence, he has arrived. He will now answer the herculean questions that Life thrusts upon our stubborn curiosity.

Molly: Why are Human Resources people so perky?

Evan: My dad is/was a Human Resources person. I resent what you are implying.

Claire: How do they decaffeinate coffee? More importantly, WHY do they decaffeinate coffee?

Evan: The first decaffeination process was developed by Ludwig Roselius, who was determined—in an Inigo Montoya fashion—to avenge his father’s death, which he attributed to his coffee consumption habits. Of course, Roselius’s method involved soaking coffee beans in highly toxic and carcinogenic benzene, plus he was a Nazi. So we don’t use the Roselius method anymore.
And to answer the second question, we decaffeinate coffee because we are imperfect people. Some of us are not strong enough to bear the responsibility and power that comes with the ingestion of caffeine.

Molly: Sometimes, I feel a vibration inside my foot and it’s not my cell phone. Any ideas?

Evan: The fact that you would consider a cell phone to be a potential source of a vibration in your foot suggests a deeper question: what kind of footwear are you using that could accommodate such a device? My Roos have space for less than a dollar’s worth of change (each).
My guess is that you are accidentally wearing some kind of novelty slipper in the shape of a baby seal, or somehow have embedded a piece of ferrous metal into your foot, which is now reacting to the Earth’s magnetic fields.

Continue reading