Tag Archives: cats

Every Now and Then with Evan

12 Jun
This happened in the South.

Evan got hot nuts in the South.

So, sometimes Claire and I have to work on things besides this blog. I know. Which is why we take certain liberties when it comes to our “content”: farming it out to friends, making it up or, mainly, just cutting and pasting it from Gchat.

BUT EVAN HAS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT ANSWERING OUR FRIDAY QUESTIONS!!! My tv shows (PLURAL!) happen daily, Claire’s magazine is weekly. Evan? His publication comes out once a month, if even. Plus, he only has to cover one subject–Science! That’s like, the easiest one of all. The Earth is getting hot, Pluto’s not a planet, Stephen Hawkings is smart cause he talks in a robot voice. Done and done. And yet, Friday after Friday, Evan lets us down by ignoring our questions and breaking the hearts of tens of twenties of our weblog readers. To add insult to injury, he casually informed us that the latest questions were “lame”.

Now, in retrospect they were. Especially Claire’s (after all, when I promised Evan better questions this week she was suspiciously silent). Let’s take a look at what she asked a few weeks ago… Continue reading

M’Tuna

5 May
(not actual cat food)

(not actual cat food)

Nick said I could blog about him. I haven’t blogged about him yet because he moved to Saint Louis and nothing interesting happens there, not even by this blog’s pathetic standards (see: cat on leash). Also, I’m still mad at him for choosing a future and a career over the possibility that I might want to hang out on the weekends. But, guess what? After four months in Saint Louis, Nick finally did something interesting.

(I know what you’re thinking, and no, it does not involve urination)

Before I rail on Nick, I should probably mention that he doesn’t actually suck. In fact, he is sometimes quite tolerable. He owns a scooter. He can speak fluent French. He plays in a ridiculous 80s cover band. He helps me insert failed Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork’s last name into pop songs (… is this not normal?) And once he told me a Helen Keller joke that made me laugh so hard at work I had to go into the bathroom and compose myself because I couldn’t stop laugh-crying. Yesterday, if you had asked me what I thought of Nick, I would have said only positive, glowing things. But that has all changed now that I learned that he mixes canned tuna into mac and cheese. Continue reading

While we are on the subject of cats and creeps…

4 May
ugh

ugh

Yes, the picture to the right is a little blurry.  But I’m no Ansel Adams (especially not on a shaky crosstown bus when my only “camera” is on my blackberry.  Also, I don’t like nature).  What you are looking at is a woman with the word “ugh” tattooed on her ankle, above a picture of a quirky cat.

Ugh.

The whole point of this word is its snarkiness.  Its cynicism.  We who utter it possess a simultaneous acceptance and rejection of whatever lemons life may hand.  But when you put this sacred word above felix the cat, in permanent ink, ON YOUR BODY, I feel like it loses some of its meaning.  Unless this woman was doing a little point/counterpoint exercise:

Point: Ugh, I’m single
Counterpoint: This cat fetish is the reason why.

(P.S. No, this is not Mazall.  She has slightly better shoe taste)

Reasons why Marc is better than you

4 May
do you know this man/cat?

do you know this man/cat?

1. He makes jazz mix tapes
2. He once wore a pair of Reebok sandals until they fell apart. Then he duct taped them together and continued wearing them for many more years despite the fact that they were NASTY and they SMELLED BAD.
3. He listens to me when I tell him to do things like this: Marc’s Craigslist Missed Connection

The explanation is pretty simple. Tonight we were reminiscing about the time we saw a man walking a cat on a leash. I made an offhand comment about posting an ad on Craigslist about it, Marc went silent on gchat for about 20 minutes, and then came back with this.

me: annnddddd that’s amazing
Marc: you should blog that
it’s a work of art
ugh
I just said “you should blog that”
me: i’m going to
Marc: i feel ridiculous

Either/Or With Marc

18 Apr

Marc has opinions. These opinions are frequently wrong. Here are some of them.

Marc reads books

Marc reads books

Note: Claire and Molly will not be held accountable for anything he says. Unless it’s funny or insightful, in which case we thought of it first.

Fat people vs. Gays
Well the obvious answer here is a very gay, very fat man. Foregoing that option though, the answer is clearly Gays. If we’re going by stereotypes, which we obviously are, both of these groups are exceedingly jolly, often do well with beards and are typically found as the hilarious friend of a television or movie character. Celebrities include, but are not limited to, Homer Simpson, Doogie Howser, Dom DeLouise, John Waters, Santa Claus, Ellen DeGeneres, Notorious B.I.G. and Rosie O’Donnell, who bats for both teams. Gays come out on top though due to their delightful wit and generally immaculate fashion sense. The potential for slovenly behavior and 400 pound frequenters of Long John Silver’s does not bode well for Team Fatso.

Never being able to say how you feel to the person you love vs. telling them, being rejected, and dying alone
This is basically dying on the inside vs. dying on the outside. I’d rather die on the outside and score pity points from many people, not to mention the opportunity to harbor a good grudge, which is always fun. The latter is the correct choice. Besides, if this person doesn’t like me, how good could they possibly me? I’m better off without that loser.

Continue reading