Tag Archives: Ryan

Cake vs. Pie

15 Jul

I know it’s hard to believe, but I do have other friends besides Molly and Mazall.  Sometimes, I go on vacation with those friends. Sometimes, those friends and I get drunk and spend several hours arguing the merits of cake versus pie.

That’s right.  I said Cake vs. Pie.  It’s one of life’s all-important questions, right up there with the existence of God. I mean, what are we doing here anyway? Are we the result of a highly improbable collision of atoms floating through space with no real purpose? Are we the divine work of a spiritual maker? Or are we simply someone’s weekend craft project?

I don’t know, but I do know one thing: I love pie.

But I also love cake. And thus man’s eternal struggle begins….

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Friendship with Marc and Claire

31 Jul

he's single, ladies

he's single, ladies

Claire: i think that if you, me and ryan lived together we would never leave the house
Marc: that’s a sitcom. or it should be
Claire: ryan would leave the house to bang random men
but he’d be back within 30 minutes
Marc: I would leave the house to drink
but I’d be back within several days
Claire: “where’s marc?” “on a bender” “is it tuesday already?”
Marc: “where’s marc?” “at work” “so he’s on a bender?”
Claire: “where’s marc?” “he’s in the shower” “oh, so he’s drinking?”
Marc: but I’m putting a TV in the shower
and probably a chair, or ledge
and I’d like to involve a mini fridge in this Continue reading

This Week in Janice: Motherly Advice

28 May

So Molly and Mazall got apartment-mugged. Some dude broke into their apartment, ruined all their butter knives and stole Molly’s computer. Molly doesn’t have access to the Internet anymore, which means that Molly doesn’t have access to the blog, which means that Molly is relying on me to update, which means that there will be no new content on here for at least a month.
Actually, that’s not true. I’ve been half-assedly (it’s totally a word, don’t question it) coming up with ideas and then never following through on them for weeks now. Weeks. So now that Molly needs me, all I have to do is search through my email and whip out the belated genius. Like this: An advice column starring Janice.

Janice's dog, Teddy

Janice's dog, Teddy

Janice is a wonderful mother. Not only did she raise me to near perfection but she did it while wearing a nightgown. No, seriously. If you meet my mother in her natural environment (at home), there is a 75% chance that she will be wearing a nightgown, no matter what time of day it is. She cooks gourmet food, gives really good advice, and she has the emotional tolerance of a crocodile. Also, she is ALWAYS on drugs. What more could a daughter ask for?
Obviously, my friends wanted Janice as their own mother and so I let them seek her motherly advice. What follows below is like a Dear Abby column, but with more grammatical errors.

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