This Week in Janice: Condiments, Computers and Commies

Janice in a train station

I haven’t done a Janice email round-up in a while.  Here is just a small sampling of emails I’ve received from my mother within the past few months. As you will soon notice, Janice has learned how to use animated emoticons. For this I apologize.

Subj: Buzzzzz

nobody is following me on Google buzz still T C Love, MOM

I hope they put Kobe Bryant on a bag of Mint Milanos

So I go to the grocery store and I buy a bag of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. When I pour them into a bowl, I notice that some of the crackers are circle-shaped instead of fish-shaped. “Wait a minute,” I think to myself, “fish don’t look like circles.” So I look at the bag. Next to the image of a smiling goldfish it says, “Basketball shapes inside!”

whaaa?

Goldfish and basketballs?

What?

There’s some Miami Heat player’s image on the back of the bag, next to the nutritional information. What kind of sad, pathetic athlete is the Pepperidge Farm spokesman? That has to be kind of embarrassing. Other NBA players have deals with Wheaties, Pepsi and Frosted Flakes and he’s stuck on a paper bag that’s half-filled with cheddar crackers designed look like fish. And basketballs. Fish and basketballs.

Side complaint: Basketballs don’t taste nearly as good as goldfish.