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When Three Become Two

6 Aug

Why would you write "Moving Day" on a box?

Molly is moving out. She’s obtained access to a completely furnished luxury apartment on the Upper East Side and has decided to go live there for free. Personally, I don’t know why you’d want to live in a Park Avenue building with a doorman rent free when you can pay thousands of dollars a year to live in Harlem with two roommates and a dog, especially when said apartment sometimes doesn’t have any gas for months. To each her own, I guess.

This means that Mazall and I need to find a replacement roommate. But living with someone is a big decision. Are they friendly? Do they keep the apartment clean? Will they murder you in your sleep? Maz and I have been reaching out to friends and coworkers to see if they know anyone who needs a place to stay, but we may have to (gulp) seek a stranger on Craigslist. To facilitate the process, I have come up with a list of qualities that our new roommate should possess:

Clean

Friendly

Organized

Likes dogs

Is funny

Is pretty

But not so pretty that we feel ugly

Likes Anchorman

Owns Mad Men on DVD

Can teach me how to do the Single Ladies dance

Either has really nice furniture that’s better than ours so we can upgrade OR

Has no furniture so we don’t have to make room for anything tacky

Is currently or has been a professional chef

Also a make-up artist

And masseuse

Owns a yacht

Owns one of those miniature horses that are the size of dogs

(The miniature horse cannot be named Molly)

Belongs to a Wine of the Month club

Has a large wardrobe of stylish clothes that fit me (preferably designer)

Has free airline tickets to Paris and no one to use them

Is friends with Kanye

Optional:

Is of an interesting religion or ethnicity so that we can sound cool when we say things like “Oh, my roommate the Zoroastrian?”

Is Banksy

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LET US BE GREAT!

6 Aug

So, Facebook has this “feature” that, apparently, I’m the last to discover.  When you’re stalking someone on someone’s page, you can click a link and get taken to an e-summary of your relationship.  This summary is based solely on Facebook activity between the two of you.

According to Mr. Zuckerberg, Claire and I have been friends since August of 2007, although I didn’t like her until May 2008.  I know this because I still have the ballot from when we voted on it (inside joke!).

Regardless, you can tell a lot about us from this little page.  Continue reading

Living the Life

7 Mar

For some reason, people have decided that living in New York is glamorous. “Oh, your life must be so glamorous!” they say to me sometimes. “You live in Manhattan and work in a tall office building, I bet you go to cocktail parties every night!” This is not true, of course. I did go to a party this weekend, but it was in New Jersey and halfway through the night someone poured beer all over a bag of bagels.

So what is living in New York really like? See if you can guess which thing didn’t happen to me this weekend. Did I….

 

– eat someone else’s leftover pasta because it was free

– argue with a homeless man because I wouldn’t give him $5 in exchange for a hug

– watch a man drop his sandwich on the subway floor, pick it up, and continue to eat it

– get pooped on by a pigeon

Mazzy or Aggy…the 1/11/11 edition

11 Jan

After a brief hiatus, this series returns with its typical stumper: who is committing the following crimes?  Roommate Mazzy?  Or dog Aggy?

Leave your answers in the comments and you could win either Mazzy or Aggy!!!!!! Continue reading

The City That Never….Wears Pants

26 Jun

(this is a reinactment)

We live in New York. Sometimes crazy stuff happens. Tonight….

Molly: I was running in Central Park and a man with no pants started waving his…man-thing…at me. Then he started chasing me. I ran away and found cops. I spent two hours in the Central Park police precinct filling out paperwork and writing a statement. I pressed charges and may have to appear in court.

Claire: I went shopping in Soho. I bought cute new underwear. Then I came home and helped Molly deal with the shock of her encounter by reinacting it with a zucchini. I broke a nail.

Today Journalism Equals… pt. II

17 Jun

for Molly, journalism equals….

1. playing in front of a green screen

2. trying to get free Lady Gaga tickets

3. debating whether Sebastian was a crab or lobster

for Claire, journalism equals…
1. lying on a Nielsen survey to make it seem like print media is doing better than it is
2. arguing whether Flounder or Sebastian would be considered Ariel’s sidekick
3. realizing that the song Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard name checks Newsweek and liking that song a little bit less.

NEW SERIES: Today, Journalism Equals…

15 Jun

Claire's article is #1!  Buuut it's on Keanu.Welcome to our new blog series, called “Today Journalism Equals…”, inspired by, as usual, the following IM conversation between Claire and myself.

Molly:  today, journalism = photoshopping popular celeb haircuts on our anchors
Claire: hahahahahah

I didn’t say it was a LONG conversation.  Welcome to the wonderful world of morning television and general interest news-magazines.  Here’s what Journalism Equals for us today… Continue reading