Tag Archives: molly

When Three Become Two

6 Aug

Why would you write "Moving Day" on a box?

Molly is moving out. She’s obtained access to a completely furnished luxury apartment on the Upper East Side and has decided to go live there for free. Personally, I don’t know why you’d want to live in a Park Avenue building with a doorman rent free when you can pay thousands of dollars a year to live in Harlem with two roommates and a dog, especially when said apartment sometimes doesn’t have any gas for months. To each her own, I guess.

This means that Mazall and I need to find a replacement roommate. But living with someone is a big decision. Are they friendly? Do they keep the apartment clean? Will they murder you in your sleep? Maz and I have been reaching out to friends and coworkers to see if they know anyone who needs a place to stay, but we may have to (gulp) seek a stranger on Craigslist. To facilitate the process, I have come up with a list of qualities that our new roommate should possess:

Clean

Friendly

Organized

Likes dogs

Is funny

Is pretty

But not so pretty that we feel ugly

Likes Anchorman

Owns Mad Men on DVD

Can teach me how to do the Single Ladies dance

Either has really nice furniture that’s better than ours so we can upgrade OR

Has no furniture so we don’t have to make room for anything tacky

Is currently or has been a professional chef

Also a make-up artist

And masseuse

Owns a yacht

Owns one of those miniature horses that are the size of dogs

(The miniature horse cannot be named Molly)

Belongs to a Wine of the Month club

Has a large wardrobe of stylish clothes that fit me (preferably designer)

Has free airline tickets to Paris and no one to use them

Is friends with Kanye

Optional:

Is of an interesting religion or ethnicity so that we can sound cool when we say things like “Oh, my roommate the Zoroastrian?”

Is Banksy

LET US BE GREAT!

6 Aug

So, Facebook has this “feature” that, apparently, I’m the last to discover.  When you’re stalking someone on someone’s page, you can click a link and get taken to an e-summary of your relationship.  This summary is based solely on Facebook activity between the two of you.

According to Mr. Zuckerberg, Claire and I have been friends since August of 2007, although I didn’t like her until May 2008.  I know this because I still have the ballot from when we voted on it (inside joke!).

Regardless, you can tell a lot about us from this little page.  Continue reading

Adult Onset Only Child Syndrome

8 Jul

Happy Birthday, Molly!

Molly’s birthday is coming up. As usual, I am planning it. I like planning parties for Molly because she makes outrageous requests, such as “I want a clambake!” (2008) and “I want to make people dress up as their own ethnic stereotypes!” (2009) and “I want to go to a bar and listen to live music like a normal person, but when we’re at the bar I want to climb up a ladder.” (2010).

Her party is still a week away, so I assume there will be plenty of bizarre requests lobbied at me over the next few days.  Here’s a sampling of what she requested this morning: Continue reading

Notes from the Dog-walker

19 May

Is it the present day and are we still alive?

Yes?

Then it’s time for a NEW blog series!!!

Every day, Claire’s dog walker leaves a note detailing that day’s walk with Aggy*.  We now take it upon ourselves to create better notes than the ones he leaves reprint them here.

Continue reading