Diversity Training with Drewpreme, Style edition

To demonstrate that diversity training goes both ways, Drew and I will now educate each other on controversial topics. And by controversial topics I mean clothes. After all, Drew has more in common with his twiggy, fashionista co-workers than they might suspect. He’s the only man I know that travels to another borough to get his “wig tightened” and he has more accessories than a Claire’s boutique. I, on the other hand, simply dress well by wearing the opposite of whatever Mazall wears (sorry, babe, but this is punishment for refusing to have my child). But even two style-conscious mavens like Drew and myself stop dead in our well-heeled tracks to contemplate certain fashion trends we don’t understand. Thankfully, we’ve got each other to help sort it all out.

Drew: So, Molly, what’s with the proliferation of ballet shoe footwear as fashion? I mean seriously, these cannot be good for logging miles in the urban jungle…

Molly: Au contraire, mon Drewpreme. These shoes are actually PERFECT for the commute. They are adorable and comfortable, and you can wear them to work OR switch into heels when you get there. You must agree that there is nothing worse than wearing big ol’ commuter sneakers with an otherwise chic work outfit (sorry, Alyssa).

Drew: HRUMPH. The chicks that wear ballet shoes look like the only walking they do is to catch a cab. But you make a point. The slouch socks and Sketchers with a suit is not what’s hot on the streets.

Molly: I’m sure you would love to see me in heels all day long. Why do guys find heels so hot? Wouldn’t you rather see me in a nice pair of dunks?

Drew: Heels are definitely hot. Have no idea why men love them but we do. High-heeled boots are even better. Which is often why I get so vexed and disappointed when chicks wanna wear ballet slippers, UGG-Nasties, and the bane of footwear existence, THE FLIP FLOP. EGAD – instant flaccidity. Now Dunks or any good pair of kicks on a girl is super hot. It doesn’t push the same buttons that a stiletto does but it does say a lot about your style, range and personality. I can drool over a woman in heels, and I’d like to kick it with the chick in a fresh pair of Nikes. If you can pull off both, then we might have to super boo the scene. That help? Speaking of sneakers… why do Chuck Taylors get the pass on the no sneaker rule at most white social establishments? And actually, the more effed up the better. Meanwhile, my new Nikes don’t make it past the first wave of the clipboard whores. SERIOUSLY MOLLINGFORD!!!

Molly: Sigh. How did I know this would quickly turn into a shoe-dominated discussion? Okay, Chucks are like the ketchup of shoes — some people think they go with everything. Just ask Ellen Degeneres.

Drew: Seriously Mollingford? Ellen wears Adidas.

Molly: OH REALLY DREWPREME?

Drew: Drats. You got me. Shout out to Ellen. We’re having a birthday party one of these years. I’m exhausted from living the rap life last night. Speaking of rap, I dig that you dig Ghostface, who’s #3 on my all time fave rappers list. What draws you to Ghost? Not something I’d expect. I’m just glad its not like Lil Boosie. Also, do you think Miley Cyrus is a good role model for girls or mocking schizophrenia for entertainment’s sake?

Molly: Who is Miley Cyrus? Is that a designer?

Drew: You might know her by her nom de guerre Hannah Montana. She’s the daughter of one of music’s most notorious mullets. And this is not a blow to my “street cred”. I’m just well-versed with the single mother set. So Ghost or Miley Montana? Pick your poison.

Molly: Definitely Ghostface! I don’t even know what a Hannah Montana is. The only reason I like Ghostface is because someone put it on my iPod I paid for it legally, and the first song I heard was “Be Easy”, which is the best GFK song (except that I can’t sing that one word in it). If I had listened to “Clipse of Doom” first or something else a little too “thuggish”, I probably would have switched back to my regular Ryan Adams rotation.

Drew: Fair enough… That record is produced by my fave producer Pete Rock… Best Ghost record IMO is “Mighty Healthy”, and this was before the brand started (shameless plug).

Molly: ANYWAY, back to fashion: When I was in DC for the inauguration I saw an Obama shirt that said “From the Plantation to the Inauguration.” I was told it would not be appropriate for me to buy and wear this shirt. True or False?

Drew: Alas, yes that would be inappropriate. I there are ethnic shirts out there that can be worn for a sense of irony (like my “#1 Irish Grandpa” with the “ERIN GO BRAGH” chapeau), but I think this one just doesn’t fall under that category. I’m glad that you have me in your life to navigate these waters, because someone less fortunate would wind up half-naked on the street holding their eye, asking “Why?”. I’m here for you.

Molly: Well you’d be happy to know I didn’t buy the shirt. Instead I got a Matrix-inspired inauguration tee where Obama is Neo, Michelle is Trinity, Joe Biden is Joey Pants and, um, Colin Powell(?) is Morpheus.

Drew: I’ll have to see that shirt. You’re talking to a man who bought a bottle of commemorative Obama Hennessy. It’s really been overkill with the marketing of our president. If these were all taxable ventures we could revive the economy on just Obama merchandise alone. Lemme ask you this Mollingford J. Squirrel: I’m really tired of purse clutching and general bad vibes when riding an elevator with the women at my office. You know I’m a good dude, and its not like I’m asking for their acceptance, but how do you suggest improving elevator race relations?

Molly: Until the “driving miss daisies” of the world die out, I think midtown elevators will always be a tough place for you my love. Unless, perhaps, you start carrying a purse of your own? No one is scared of a man with a purse. Okay, last question: I get really excited when I see so many “urban” Braves fans walking around 110 and Lenox, but when I shout out “Yeah! 14 straight division titles! Chop chop!,” I get the feeling they don’t know what I’m talking about. So why are they all wearing Atlanta caps?

Drew: I guess I’ll keep doing me on the elevator then, aka hurredly pushing the “close” button, avoiding eye contact, and hoping she doesn’t cry rape. Your last question elicited a hearty chuckle. I’m a Knicks, Jets, and Mets fan who played college football at Temple, yet I own apparel of many other teams. Whenever I’m out, I usually get some white dude who says “Are you a (team) fan?”, “Did you go to (school)?”, or the real A-holes say some stuff like “Your hat sucks!”. (Side note – I find it fascinating how empowering sports team hatred can be to make some 147 lb dude say that to me!).

You gotta understand that it’s usually fashion first. Does the hat match the kicks? Is it something no one around the way has? These things trump any kind of fandom. I’d like to venture that the rash of Braves hats in the hood can also be attributed to Southern rap. With such heavy weights like Jeezy reppin’ for the A, their young fans latch on, and salute them with their hats. I mean this explains the proliferation of Georgetown jackets in the mid-80s, Raiders hats in the late 80’s, ChiSox hats in the 90’s, and now the ubiqitous Yankee hat, and you didn’t have to be from DC, Compton, The Chi, or NYC to rock ’em. So remember that before you start tomahawking…