Why John Smoltz WHY?!

31 Mar



For 20 years, John Smoltz pitched for the Atlanta Braves and no one else. He even debuted on my fifth birthday because he knew how much it would mean to me…later. You just don’t find that kind of loyalty in the MLB anymore. And to prove it, when his shoulder fell off and his contract ended last year, Smoltz left Atlanta to sign with the second worst team ever. So much for happy endings.

I want to hate him. I NEED to hate him. But I just can’t. Those eyes…that smile…that splitter!

Basically, Smoltz is doing everything I love doing: stealing money from the Red Sox, secretly visiting Jeff Francoeur the Braves clubhouse, and golfing with Tiger Woods. So I should be happy for him, right?

I think, perhaps (and allow me to get sentimental here), losing Smoltz as a would-be Braves lifer just makes the current state of baseball that much more depressing: Frenchie got sent to the minors for two seconds and my friends won’t stop bringing it up. The Braves had the worst offseason ever (well aside from the Padres and maybe A-Rod). I don’t want stupid Glavine back from the stupid Mets. I don’t understand waivers in Fantasy Baseball. I can’t believe the Yankees spent so much on C.C. AND I MISS ANDRUW!

My Dad tried to cover up the awful world of professional baseball with movies like Angels in the Outfield and Little Big League, where achievement and money were never as important as having a good time, where stage-four cancer doesn’t keep Tony Danza from pitching nine straight innings in the final game of a tied pennant race and where Ken Griffey Jr. will always fall for trick plays called by the 11-year-old owner/GM of the Minnesota Twins.

Sigh. Real life is hard.

If Mene and his Dad wouldn’t kill me, and if Tyler wouldn’t do Tiger Woods fist-pumps all the way to Fenway, I’d consider a temporary visa for Red Sox Nation. It’s getting hard to resist that stare…

papelbon stare


17 Responses to “Why John Smoltz WHY?!”

  1. mazall March 31, 2009 at 6:39 pm #

    i have no idea what you’re talking about, but i’m sorry you’re sad.
    *sad trombone*

  2. Molly March 31, 2009 at 6:40 pm #

    Thank you for your unconditional sympathy and blind devotion. That’s all I ask for!

  3. menelaos March 31, 2009 at 6:53 pm #

    Sigh. This made a little piece of me die.

    While I really did like Smoltz in his time with Atlanta I can never, ever begin to think of being a fan of… ugh gross!

    Don’t you think that true Yankees fans (ie Little One) have had this dilemma since the invention of fantasy baseball? You can root for a player on a team you hate. That’s allowed. Hell its necessary given the way big names jump from team to team. As long as you don’t wear a Braves jersey to Fenway Park, no one will think less of you for it.

  4. Molly March 31, 2009 at 7:07 pm #

    He signed a ONE YEAR contract with Boston. He played 20 for Atlanta. That’s not “jumping from team to team.” That’s losing your mind!!

  5. Molly March 31, 2009 at 7:09 pm #

    plus I already said I wouldn’t switch. it’s like murder: kinda tempting but at the end of the day, not worth it.

  6. Sookie March 31, 2009 at 9:04 pm #

    Dont even try to place the blame on Smoltz for your feelings towards baseball right now. Why not write about the real reason and that being what your “beloved” Yankees did in the offseason including the building of a new Death Star in the Bronx.

  7. Molly March 31, 2009 at 9:05 pm #

    oh PLEASE hartsook. You’ve been drinking the red sox kool-aid waaaaaaay too long to have any sort of say here. THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND JOHN!

  8. Sookie March 31, 2009 at 9:18 pm #

    Not only do I drink it but I relish in it. Id bath in it if I could. Hence Smoltz partaking in it. Youre just bitter that you lost Smoltz and your backup team in the same offseason.

    You can always cheer for the Rome Braves when Frenchie ends up there before the All-Star Break

  9. Molly March 31, 2009 at 9:20 pm #

    Speaking of contracts….

  10. Drewpreme March 31, 2009 at 9:36 pm #

    Baseball is a cesspool.

  11. Claire April 1, 2009 at 1:20 am #


  12. Molly April 1, 2009 at 2:15 am #

    because Janice hasn’t written anything else!

  13. Marc April 1, 2009 at 3:04 am #

    QUIET CLAIRE. This is serious talk for serious people.

    With the caveat that I’m not the Braves savant that you are, I pose the following question. Shouldn’t you be more upset with management than with Smoltz? I can’t begrudge a great player wanting to give it one more go, on whatever team will have him. I can however begrudge a club for letting a hall of famer and fan favorite walk.
    The other side of this is that as great as his career was, is he really going to be a valuable pitcher this year? I’m not so sure I would be as upset as you. For example, I was fine with the Cardinals trading Jim Edmonds to San Diego because it was the best thing for the club. Though it made me a little sick, I was even ok with him ending his career in Cubbie blue. We ended up with a far better outfield and Jimmy got to play. Ballplayers want to play, pure and simple.

    As far as the overall state of MLB, it’s really quite simple. Too many Mike McGreevy’s, not nearly enough Bowers and Bill Haywoods. Alas. It’s still the greatest game we have.

    Waiver wires work as follows. It depends on how your league is up, but generally when you drop a player, he goes to waivers. At that point there is a finite period of time where any team can make a claim on him. The order of who gets him first is generally based on wins and losses, but can vary.

    • Molly April 3, 2009 at 7:17 pm #

      Marc will you help me manage my Fantasy baseball team? I will give you fantasy money.

      • Marc April 3, 2009 at 9:07 pm #

        DONE. I would like a fantasy meal too, at Mindy’s. No soup.

        You should know that last season I finished with the best record and won my league. I’m kind of a big deal.

  14. Molly April 5, 2009 at 6:07 pm #

    ok seriously I need your help. the season starts tomorrow.

    • Marc April 5, 2009 at 8:32 pm #

      Send me emails with your questions/concerns. I will guide you to imminent victory.

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