This Week in Janice Vol. III

9 Apr

I have so many things to share with the world this week, but Laura and I are watching Teen Witch right now and I’m too fascinated by the fact that the star of a 1989 teen film is the older sister of Blake Lively to remember what they are. They’re sisters but they’re 15 years apart. That’s a lot of “apart.” One of them must have been a hasty, unplanned mishap (probably Blake – they were so surprised, they couldn’t even think of a girl’s name for her). I’ve never seen this film but Laura considers it an integral part of her childhood and she has been—OH MY GOD, THEY ARE HAVING A RAP-OFF. A rap-off. In the suburbs. While on their way to play tennis. This movie is amaaaazzziiiiing. What was I doing? Oh right, Janice:

Janice in Italy

Janice in Italy

Subj: Mom needs help please
I had 2 box cameras developed and I had Walgreens make a disk of each one. I do not know how to stick the disks into my laptop (actually I bought an attachment that I have to hook up-no disk slot in my Superlightweight Mac AIR.) IF I MAILED THEM TO YOU, Could you turn the disks into two emails and send them to me so I can open them and forward the one that has pictures of Tedster in the snow to Vicki and Bob. etc. and store the other one in my laptop-I took pictures of the light in my front and back yard- for gardening info, not for anyone else. You know how to do that on your machine, right? Let me know. Take care, Love, MOM

Subj: Re: Mom needs help please
Don’t send me the pictures, that’s just ridiculous. That would be like me buying groceries and mailing them to you so you could cook me dinner and mail it back. You bought an external disk drive? It should come with a cord and simple instructions for plugging the two together. If you can’t figure it out, go to the Apple store and they can show you. It will take all of 5 minutes. I’d do it over the phone but I’m not sure what your disk drive/cord looks like. Besides, if I sent you the photos in an email would you even know how to open/save them?

Subj: Re: Mom needs help please
Daughter you are no help


Think that’s all? Well, think again! This one arrived tonight.

In a fit of ire, I cancelled all but “basic cable” tv here. (Basic satellite for me, actually), so was reduced to watching Kathy Lee Gifford earlier today on Today-this morning. (Great source huh? I am am your devoted footsoldier,reporting on American culture, Oh great Time reporter!!)
BUt IT Was ALL Worth IT
for this gem: go to website -ranks bathrooms on whether you would lower your tussie all the way to the seat!! Especially good for travellers- more than 1 city, I think.
WOMEN of the world unite!!! Take care, Love, MOM (PS: Kathy Lee uses hand sanitizer after she leaves a public bathroom-those pesky doorhandles recontaminate you after you have just washed your hands. And you thought I was bad!


Note the exclamation points. The non-conformist use of capital letters in the middle of words. This woman is the next e.e. cummings. I bet you wish Janice were your mother. Many people do.

I went to the website and learned that the bar across the street from my apartment only gets two stars but the Starbucks on the corner gets three. I’m not really sure why this website is necessary; can’t you just decide whether to sit or squat once you’re actually in the bathroom stall? I mean—ooh can’t finish thought, it’s impromptu 80s choreographed dance routine time.


9 Responses to “This Week in Janice Vol. III”

  1. Cara April 9, 2009 at 5:38 am #

    It’s interesting that you would write about a rap-off tonight, as I was just tonight told of a rap-off that occurred in Astoria, Oregon. A friend’s little brother was a dishwasher at a cafe. He didn’t fit in really; he was the kid in the corner keeping to himself with is iPod and his dishes. This big jock kid was always giving him a hard time, and finally he lost it and challenged the jock kid to a rap-off. Jock kid said ok – but didn’t actually write a rap. My friend’s little brother did, though, and recorded it. So keep in mind the story – dishwashing kid mad at the douchebag jock. And then listen online:

    • Marc April 9, 2009 at 6:08 am #

      Astoria! That’s where Goonies takes place! We should go to the rap off and then search for pirate treasure.

  2. Claire April 9, 2009 at 5:40 am #

    …..he had a rap-off with someone named Hugo?!

    • Cara April 9, 2009 at 5:46 am #

      Oh, I forgot to mention that the jock kid is names Hugo. Although the dishwasher’s name is Olaf. So…yeah…

    • Cara April 9, 2009 at 5:48 am #

      I also like the line in the rap where he says “You’ll probably be less of a douche when you’re older.” I wouldn’t count on it…

  3. Molly April 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm #


  4. Claire April 9, 2009 at 6:06 pm #

    She bought an external disk drive. She has to learn to use it. It’s good for her.

  5. Drewpreme April 9, 2009 at 6:11 pm #

    Robin > Blake

    Robin killed it as Goldie Hawn’s potentially wayward child in “Wildcats”.

  6. Claire April 9, 2009 at 11:13 pm #

    I have not seen this “Wildcats” you speak of….

Go ahead, say it.

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