Fridays with Evan, redux

A Friday with Evan

“It’s been a long time,
we shouldn’t have left you
without a dope beat
to step to…”

— Aaliyah ft. Timbaland, Try Again

Claire: What happened to last week’s Fridays with Evan?

Evan: This and this. Not that doing a story on energy drinks kept me in the field and archives for a whole week, but due to the ongoing collapse of our entire industry, Seed‘s having me toil in the Interweb Mines a lot more than usual. I’ve also got a piece I’m editing on adiabatic quantum computers, and one on baby brains due up next week (Preview: they are both delicious).

Molly: Zeitgeist The Movie said there is no law that I have to pay income tax. I’d like to drink the kool-aid but can’t figure out how to get them to stop taking it out of my paycheck?

Evan: It’s easy. Quit your job and move to a shack in the mountains. This goes for all of the teabaggers and the Randroids and the Paultards and the SciFi Assholes. You don’t have to participate in society if you don’t want. And as much as I hate the standard “love it or leave it” political argument, I think it’s different in this case. I guess me and my nanny-state liberal friends could move to a European/socialist/welfare state like Sweden, but we’re arguing on the behalf of other people. If your political philosophy is centered around the idea that the individual, i.e. you, should not have to participate in collective actions for the greater good, you can make that happen anytime you want. Just don’t Unibomb me.

Claire: Can birds and pigs fall in love?

Evan: Throughout recorded history, there have been many examples of cross-species emotional relationships. I’m not going to get into the ones that involve humans, but rest assured a quick Google search will provide you with more information than you will ever want or need. (Start with dolphins. This is not an endorsement). Most of these are pretty cute, such as Koko the Gorilla and her series of kittens, or this Hippo and Tortoise combo (also delicious).

As far as pigs and chickens are concerned, I can tell this is loaded question. Yes, everyone is worried about swine flu and everyone thinks some pig and some chicken, and later, some human, had some kind of relationship that screwed us all. Well, it may be true, but that doesn’t mean pigs and chickens can love one another. It’s all business.

Molly: Why do German guys like Claire? I thought the whole “blonde hair blue eyes thing” was over…shouldn’t we be moving FORWARD?

Evan: Well, this is actually a good time to print a correction. In the second Fridays with Evan, I suggested that Claire might be a member of the U3 haplogroup. She now informs me she is mostly of Britannic stock, and therefore likely to be in the H group. This really doesn’t relate to the German, but it does represent progress from the Nazi eugenic conception of race.

Also, how is it that you have managed to get me to envoke the Nazis in every single one of these?

Claire: I like to joke that my favorite song is “Baby Got Back” but deep down, I’m sort of half-serious. Is this wrong?

Evan: “Baby Got Back” can be your favorite song. Sir Mix-a-lot was really ahead of his time, in both subject matter (butts) and using Arthurian legend as the basis for his stage name (little known fact: Li’l Wayne began his career as Li’l GaWayne). I mean, if the man doesn’t receive a Kennedy Center Honor by then end of Barack’s presidency, I will be shocked. His recent partnership with SpongeBob pretty much seals the deal.

Kate via Molly: How come you can walk a ferret on a leash but not a cat?

Evan: You can absolutely put a leash on a cat. Your mileage may vary, however. But the real reason you don’t want to leash a cat is that it discourages this kind of behavior:

Of course, because Maru is a Japanese Cat, he has his own blog. Yes, you guys are getting out-blogged by something without thumbs.