This Week in Janice: Condiments, Computers and Commies

13 May

Janice in a train station

I haven’t done a Janice email round-up in a while.  Here is just a small sampling of emails I’ve received from my mother within the past few months. As you will soon notice, Janice has learned how to use animated emoticons. For this I apologize.

Subj: Buzzzzz

nobody is following me on Google buzz still T C Love, MOM

Subj: Boys boys boys

Am waiting at a place called “Meatheads” for my burger & fries. Mostly male customers… that’s nice. love mom

Subj: You have strangers posting

Strangers are leaving comments on your blog. And you haven’t written about me all month. Totally loved/agree about the riding pants poseur fashion look. Have you told your pals about how when you rode horses, our car always smelt of ground in horse poop? Even after the car wash? Ah, the aromatic memories!!! And the WASPY MOMS never complain. Probably protected us all from H1N1. I love LAKE FOREST. ALSO SEEM TO LOVE THESE LITTLE GOOGLE DOODLES TODAY.
Please thank MAZALL FOR NOW FOLLOWING ME ON GOOGLE BUZZZ- UNFORTUNATELY, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO USE IT or what to say.  Ignore Caps—my nails have grown out. T C  LOVE MOM Look at what I can do!!! I love my MAc! Cool!l I should have tried those things before this.

Subj: What about your poor mother???

What, you can’t call me and tell you are okay once I hear on the radio that  there was a car bomb thingey in Times Square??? (I just heard a manhole cover blew skyward in Times Square today too-a “methane basement fart,”  so to speak. Not NYC’s best day, huh?)
T C Love, MOM

Subj:  Heinz is changing ketchup recipe

They want to stop dominating the market. Those commies!!
love mom

What is she talking about? A quick Google search reveals that Heinz is coming out with a low sodium version of its famous ketchup. Commie bastards.


Subj: You will be proud of me

I bought a $13 plant at Lowe’s that did not have a tag or any info on the pot. Six Lowe’s employees could not tell me what it was. I thought it “matched” a “weed” I had in my perennial bed, which I could not identify, but hoped was not a weed. (I have found several things that now bloom for me, that did not bloom when I first got the house. My secret: Bit more sun, lots more fertilizer!!)

Well, I took the plant to the Chicago Botanic Garden for identification, since now I did not know where to plant it. I stumped 4 “Experts” in the plant information office  They took a leaf sample and a flowering stem, and they will get back to me. But I did see a couple of dozen gorgeous unusual plants in the ground at their front doors: “Pride of Madeira” (latin: echium candicans).  Something labelled “Canary  Islands” Ever heard of it?
Take care, Janice

Subj: Computer prob

As if life wasn’t hard enough — Surprise, Surprise! — I am not getting any sound on my computer. Could not watch my rented movie with my coffee–I am guessing it’s because I need to upgrade my “Firefox” browser. Does not updating make sound go away? While trying to find sound on my computer, I went to my emails and You Tube said I needed to upgrade my browser.  My “?” is – will I lose my “jump to Gmail sign in” that you set me up with last summer? You did “magic fingers” over my keyboard and now Gmail comes up automatically when Firefox starts to run. Will that go away????? Since I will be replacing old “Firefox” with stupid improved version?
I hate computers and upgrades. T C Love, MOM

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5 Responses to “This Week in Janice: Condiments, Computers and Commies”

  1. Molly May 17, 2010 at 2:29 am #

    Oh I get it. The beehive is because she said “wasp.”

  2. mazz May 17, 2010 at 2:32 am #

    JANICE, I FOLLOW YOU ON BUZZ!!!!

  3. Daniel May 18, 2010 at 8:24 pm #

    Beehive. Isn’t it horse poop with flies around it?

  4. Alyssa May 18, 2010 at 8:56 pm #

    yeah i thought it was horse poop with flies around it too.

    and will you fill us in on her mystery plant adventures? i laughed pretty hard when i heard she took it to the chicago botanical garden to solve her leafy specimen problem. i heart janice.

    • Claire May 18, 2010 at 8:58 pm #

      yeah, it’s definitely poop.

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