Fictional Employment

11 Aug
Oh deer!

Oh deer!

By the very real Dan Luzer

JournalismJobs is a website (Molly’s note:  and an oxymoron) that lists job openings for “employment” in the journalism “industry”. It’s sort of a hit or miss website. In general, the site contains a lot of internship opportunities and also a lot of jobs where it’s obvious that they don’t hire from JournalismJobs. I mean, I’m pretty sure local papers hire locally. But whatever; it’s always interesting to picture yourself working somewhere you’ve never even heard about: Garwin, Iowa.

Well, that’s a possibility, I guess.

One posting that I saw looked really interesting, however:

Company: ———–

Position: Reporter

Location: Washington State

Job Status:   Full-time

Salary:   Negotiable

Ad Expires: September 10, 2009

Description:

Reporter Wanted — The ——- in ———, is looking for a business and education reporter. The ——- values loyalty, ability, a positive attitude and a strong work ethic. We aim to fill our newsroom with reporters who can do it all, from photography to audio slideshows and video. Writing is and will remain the primary talent needed to tell the gritty stories found in this complex rural community. The ——– is a 14,000-circulation daily newspaper located halfway between Portland and Seattle. The paper is a financially healthy, family-owned operation with a commitment to journalism. Please send a cover letter, resume, work samples and references to ———–.

This is my dream job. Here’s why:  Um, this is clearly the daily newspaper of Twin Peaks. Small-circulation daily newspaper. Gritty stories. Complex rural community. In Washington State. I have a whole series of pitches lined up for the job interview:

  • How’s the coffee here? And what makes the pie in town so damn good?
  • Interview with the improbably athletic Bobby Briggs. How does he manage to drink, smoke heavily, spend no time at school, sustain a nasty cocaine addiction, and still be captain of the varsity football team? (That’s classified.)
  • Something about Packard Mill and Benjamin Horne or something (Okay, actually no one cares about this stuff. Whatever, we’ll run it when news is slow, along with anything involving James Hurley.)

I plan to totally show up to the interview holding a log.

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2 Responses to “Fictional Employment”

  1. JChan August 11, 2009 at 8:48 pm #

    this is my first comment on this site… and its really just to say that the guy on the right looks like danny wood from the new kids on the block.

    • Molly August 11, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

      you should really comment more. You’ve sooo much to contribute.

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