What do you mean I am the one?

9 Jul

insert some kind of copyright here

insert some kind of copyright here

By Dan Luzer, not us. We are getting really good at this.

From the high reaches of serious journalism (People Magazine) comes this latest, groundbreaking headline:

“Michael Jackson’s Dermatologist: ‘I Am Not the Father'”

Jackson’s dermatologist (what a project that must have been) is Dr. Arnold Klein. Klein is a professor at UCLA medical school and the owner of what looks like a very lucrative private practice. Klein is apparently “alleged to be” (love the anonymous sources, People) both 1) the father of Michael Jackson’s children and 2) the supplier of all sorts of prescriptions Jackson abused. Klein protests that he’s innocent, though his rationalization falls somewhat short of convincing:

Klein… flatly denies any involvement in over-prescribing drugs to Jackson.

“I didn’t give him this crap they are talking about,” Klein states in a new interview with Good Morning America. “I’ve never prescribed Oxycontin in my life. How am I going to prescribe Diprivan [a.k.a. Propofol, which is used for anesthesia] when I don’t understand how to use it?”

Well, buddy, that’s what being a quack is all about, isn’t it?

And of course, the mere fact that he’s a dermatologist involved with Michael Jackson ought to lead to a whole series of questions about his medical procedures.

Whatever, the more interesting, Billie Jean part of this story involves the paternity of the Jackson’s nominal offspring, the curiously named Prince Michael, 12, Paris Katherine, 11, and Prince Michael II, 7:

“All I can tell you is, to the best of my knowledge, I am not the father of these children,” Klein said.

Um, what? To the best of your knowledge? As someone who works as a freelance journalist (i.e. I am unemployed) I had a little time to check this out. For one thing, the Jackson spawn have different mothers. Prince Mike and Paris are the children of Debbie Rowe. The last child, the one Jacko dangled over a balcony is someone else’s child. Either Klein did or did not sleep with them.

But actually he’s probably right. Klein is white. The older children’s mother, Jackson’s second wife, is also white. Jackson used to be black. And the older children appear to be somewhat ambiguously Jackson-ethnic, as well.

She told my baby, we were dancing till 3:00
Then she looked at me, she show me a photo
My baby cried, cause his eyes were like mine.

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5 Responses to “What do you mean I am the one?”

  1. jack london July 9, 2009 at 2:16 am #

    Are we really giving credence to the guy that turned MJ white? No doubt that none of the children has a single strand of Jackson DNA in their bodies. C’mon, look at ’em. I mean, I love MJ, BUT NOT EVEN I THINK those are his biological children

  2. Drewpreme July 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm #

    In this era where Angelina Jolie adopts third world kids like lost puppies on the street, Madonna is taking kids that still have parents that are alive, why should this be given a negative spin. Lets keep it 100 here… We all know that he’s not the biological dad of those kids. We’ve known that for years. However what I do find troubling is the media questioning his fatherhood. I think that its lame that the identity sperm and egg donors of MJ’s kids are being bandied around like locker room gossip while his kids are still reeling from the death of their father. As far as I see it, if we’re not concerned with the parents of Maddox, Pax, Zahara, David Banda, Mercy James, et al. but how well Brangelina and Madonna is raising them, then I think we should grant MJ that courtesy. Especially in death. He’s the only parent those kids have ever known and as been the father to them way more than who ever’s DNA they carry…

  3. Dan August 11, 2009 at 10:06 pm #

    This should totally have a “Dan” tag.

    • Molly August 11, 2009 at 10:09 pm #

      Done and dan

  4. Brooke June 15, 2010 at 7:00 pm #

    Honestly why cant we just leave the mans kids alone gosh

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