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This Week in Janice: Motherly Advice

28 May

So Molly and Mazall got apartment-mugged. Some dude broke into their apartment, ruined all their butter knives and stole Molly’s computer. Molly doesn’t have access to the Internet anymore, which means that Molly doesn’t have access to the blog, which means that Molly is relying on me to update, which means that there will be no new content on here for at least a month.
Actually, that’s not true. I’ve been half-assedly (it’s totally a word, don’t question it) coming up with ideas and then never following through on them for weeks now. Weeks. So now that Molly needs me, all I have to do is search through my email and whip out the belated genius. Like this: An advice column starring Janice.

Janice's dog, Teddy

Janice's dog, Teddy

Janice is a wonderful mother. Not only did she raise me to near perfection but she did it while wearing a nightgown. No, seriously. If you meet my mother in her natural environment (at home), there is a 75% chance that she will be wearing a nightgown, no matter what time of day it is. She cooks gourmet food, gives really good advice, and she has the emotional tolerance of a crocodile. Also, she is ALWAYS on drugs. What more could a daughter ask for?
Obviously, my friends wanted Janice as their own mother and so I let them seek her motherly advice. What follows below is like a Dear Abby column, but with more grammatical errors.

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