Antelope v. Reindeer

8 Jul

Some people mix them up, okay?  They both frolic, they both have horn things, they both think the caribou totally sold out…  I’m sure I can’t be the only person in the world to get them confused when requesting their likeness on a cake pop.  Sigh.  If only there was a scientist or something to explain the difference….  Wait, is it…Friday?

Molly:  hi.  do you have anyone at your institution who could explain what the difference between a reindeer and an antelope is?

Evan:  hmm.

Molly:  and who would win in a fight?  is there like a zoologist?

Evan:  What story could you possibly be writing where this information is relevant?

Molly:  oh, um, it’s for the blog

Evan:  ha.  well, are they fighting on neutral ground?

Molly:  yes, Switzerland.

Evan:  Switzerland still gives a major advantage to the reindeer.

Molly:  what if it’s indoors?  In like, an ikea or something?

Evan:  I could look this up, but i’m guessing the reindeer outweighs the antelope by a considerable amount.

Molly:  But antelope rhymes with cantaloupe.  They also have pointy horns instead of retarded twirly ones.

Evan:  wow, I did not know this, but there is a huge variation of antelope species.  So like, a bull reindeer might weigh 500 pounds.  But depending on the species, an antelope could weigh anywhere from 15 to 2,000 pounds.

Molly:  ok let’s say my antelope is 2,000 pounds.  And claire’s reindeer cake pop weighs about 5 ounces.  The antelope would definitely win right?

Evan:  Yeah.  You win.  BRB.

I just tricked Evan into a Fridays with Evan*

Molly:  Did you leave to find a zoologist?

Evan:  To settle your dispute over a piece of candy?

Molly:   Noooo, that was just a side fight.  Let’s say the antelope and the reindeer are both the same size. Poundage-wise.

(20 minutes of silence)

Molly:  are you still deliberating?

(30 minutes of silence)

Molly:  at this point I could have gone out and bought them and just tested it myself.

Evan:  That’s really the only way you’re going to get good data here.  I was originally going to say reindeer, but after seeing these Elands, I think I will give the nod to antelope.  THOUGH I’m sure the reindeer has a thicker hide.

Molly:  Because Mrs. Claus feeds it so much?


Molly: Caribou are ghey.  They would definitely lose.


Molly: How much do you think a reindeer costs?


Molly:  OMG!  baby reindeer!


  Do you want to get me a baby reindeer for my birthday instead of learning how to make reindeer cake pops?
Claire:  …no
Molly:  I bet we would get better Christmas presents
  that’s a very good point.  And we would save money on cab fare because we’d be in a sleigh.

*Fridays With Evan noun, slang. Fridays With Evan is the title of a blog series that began on March 27, 2009.  The series was an attempt by bloggers Molly and Claire to add intellectual credibility to an otherwise farcical website that mainly consisted of lists, g-chats, obscure references to WB sitcoms, and poorly photo-shopped photographs.  Their attempt failed, and Evan moved to Philadelphia.


2 Responses to “Antelope v. Reindeer”

  1. Claire July 8, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    I miss us. I also miss antelopes. And I like that Evan actually started researching this.

  2. Cara July 8, 2011 at 5:57 pm #

    Oh my god, I want one. I want both a baby reindeer and a cake pop, actually…

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