Notes From the Dogwalker pt. 2

16 Jun

Mazall and the Mollies (this could be a band name)

So you may be wondering where our “Notes from the Dogwalker” series went. Or you may not. Let’s be honest, the series was ill-conceived and poorly executed. This is a free blog, what do you expect? Jeez.

Well, the reason the series has been discontinued is that I fired my dogwalker a few weeks ago. It appears that he wasn’t actually walking my dog, he was just pretending to walk my dog and then taking my hard-earned money. (Those Keanu articles aren’t going to write themselves!)  Instead, I’ve been coming home early to walk Aggy*.  On Tuesdays when I work late to close the magazine fly the Death Star, Molly acts as defacto dogwalker. (Mazall will do it too, but begrudgingly; she only likes adorable, needy things if they’re human.)

Here is tonight’s note from my free live-in dogwalker:

Good walk.  It was nice outside.  Aggy did 2 and 4.

What’s 4, you say?

4 is when she runs up the stairs but misses the top step and falls
back down them.  Then I feel bad so I give her pasta.  That’s 4.

I rewarded my kindness with [one of your] Frango chocolates. It was delicious.

*Dog still renamed.**

**sometimes I also call her “Nick.”

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8 Responses to “Notes From the Dogwalker pt. 2”

  1. Logan June 16, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

    Wait! What’s 3 then? It’s gross isn’t it (i.e. 3=1+2)? Maybe I don’t want to know…

    • Molly June 16, 2010 at 3:06 pm #

      ———- Forwarded message ———-
      From: Molly
      Date: Wed, Jun 2, 2010 at 1:41 PM
      Subject: Aggs
      To: Claire

      Nice walk. She did 1 and 3.

      What is 3?

      3 = attack a random patch of grass and then roll around in it for 5 to
      7 minutes until you become distracted by a bee.

      sigh.

      • Claire June 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm #

        Let’s be honest. I do #3 sometimes too.

  2. Nick June 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    So I hate your dog, and then you sometimes call your dog by MY name?

    That’s frustrating. I feel neutralized.

    WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

    • Claire June 16, 2010 at 10:00 pm #

      I want you to love my dog! Until you do, I will amuse myself with such statements as “I dropped a piece of food on the floor but it’s okay cause Nick ate it” or “Ugh, Nick got into the garbage again” or “I came home and Nick got so excited she peed on the floor.”

  3. Alyssa June 21, 2010 at 8:03 pm #

    Wait, I want to know how you found out the dog walker (the paid one) wasn’t walking Molly. I mean, did you put a video camera on Molly’s collar? And how did you fire him? Over the phone, via e-mail, did you just lie and say you were moving to another state or did you tell him to his face you knew he wasn’t walking Molly? This is way more interesting to me …

  4. Mazall's Mom July 10, 2010 at 2:47 am #

    Molly, it’s a genetic thing and I’m afraid you’re just going to have to learn to live with her movie selection. I mean it’s not like she can change it and have a noise job or something.

  5. Mazall's Mom July 10, 2010 at 2:48 am #

    I meant nose job! sheesh!

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