Three’s Company

28 Apr

But who is Janet?

We realized that this blog features a lot of two-person interaction—me and Molly, or Molly and Mazall, sometimes even Mazall and Aggy—but rarely have you delighted in seeing three of us together. It’s a shame, really. We have a a bond, a dynamic chemistry not often found among friends. We’re like Martin and Lewis (and Mazall), French and Saunders (and Mazall), or Fry and Laurie (and Mazall). To remedy that (also because it is a workday and we don’t have time for real blogging), here is a brief example of what happens when your three favorite Havers-of-Internets get together:

Scene one: Molly got promoted at work. Mazall and I tried to plan a surprise “Congratulations on your Promotion!” party for her, but we didn’t bother to tell anyone about it until two days before the party. By then no one could come. We broke the news to her in a 3-way G-chat session.

(Mazall has joined)
(Molly has joined)
(Claire has joined)
Mazall: MOLLLLLLLLLLY are you there
Claire: Molly?
Mazall: MOLLY!
Claire: maybe we should just talk about her until she shows up
Mazall: OK!
Mazall: have you seen her butt? she has like one of those rap star girlfriends’ butts…
Mazall: how does the rest of that song go? we’re too white
Claire: “I mean, her butt. it’s so big. it’s so round, it’s like out there or something. she’s just so…BLACK.”
Mazall: BABY’S GOT BACK
Molly: Hi, I’m here!
Mazall: Great! moving right along….Molly, Claire and I have something to tell you
Claire: I like big butts and I cannot lie
Mazall: we very unsuccessfully tried to plan a surprise party for you for your promotion TONIGHT! But at the moment we have a lot of “I’ll swing by” responses
Claire: you other brothers can’t deny
Molly: yeah i figured
Molly: when Maz said “You better look cute” this morning, I was like, oh noooo, they’re planning something
Claire: cause when a girl walks in with an itty-bitty
Claire: YOU SAID WHAT?
Molly: she’s the worst
Mazall: well! what if she decided to look like shit or wear jeans or something!
Molly: WHO CARES? its not a blind date!
Mazall: Nathan coming! with friends!
Molly: who the f is Nathan?
Claire: hahaha. I asked her that too! Who IS Nathan?
Mazall: the date i went on that you should have gone on
Molly: so my surprise parts consists of a guy a don’t know…and you guys
Claire: BLIND SURPRISE!
Molly: sigh
(Molly has left the chat)

Scene two: With Molly absent from the chat, Mazall and Claire continue to talk about what they did the night before. Claire worked late. Mazall went to therapy.

Mazall: Oh! So in my shrink sesh last night? I got put ON THE COUCH
Mazall: which was weird and then comfortable
Mazall: and during the sesh my shrink said “you are exquisitely sensitive”
Claire: can you cry on command?
Mazall: I’ve never really tried but i bet i could. I’ll just think of dead kitties or something

Scene 3: Molly asks if we want to appear on a CBS show for on-air make-overs

Molly: Do you guys want to be on CBS and get make-overs or not?
Claire: ….What time do i have to get up?
Molly: I dunno. 7 am?
Claire: I want to be made up to look like Lady Gaga
Claire: but they can’t cut my hair or dye it
Mazall: Yea can we specify what look we want? Like, “Please dont dress me in Chicos”
Claire: can I have my colors done? “your color is….pale”
Molly: omg.  Forget I asked
Claire: I’d like to be “Bad Romance” video Gaga, not crippled “Paparazzi” Gaga.
Mazall: I don’t care what they do to my hair. Just no Chicos.
Molly: HOW are you guys divas? you live in Harlem!
Claire: Do I get a trailer?
Mazall: We’re “Talent”
Molly: omfg its the middle of midtown NO TRAILER
Claire: I want mangos in my fruit basket
Molly: Ok, I’m changing the segment from “spring makeovers” to “how to get rid of two roommates without committing a crime”

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6 Responses to “Three’s Company”

  1. Marc April 28, 2010 at 4:44 pm #

    Which one of you is the dude here?

    • Claire April 28, 2010 at 4:55 pm #

      I dont know but I’m clearly the blonde

  2. Claire April 28, 2010 at 5:23 pm #

    Also I’d like to note that we were not invited onto the television show. Not sure why…something about our services not being necessary…..

  3. menelaos April 29, 2010 at 4:27 am #

    I google-searched chico’s under the images tab and I guess I took my filter off at some point… needless to say I’m scarred for life.

  4. Alyssa May 4, 2010 at 6:28 pm #

    This is absolutely HILARIOUS. I think I might pee in my pants. So. effing. priceless.

    And Molly sorry we couldn’t make it for your dinner! Next time I see you, I owe you a drink though. Mazel Tov! (How do they say congrats in Greek?)

    • Molly May 6, 2010 at 1:51 pm #

      OPA!

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