Claire and Molly Do: The Whitney Biennial!

24 Apr

Did the flash go off? Oh, crap.

Ah, art.  Life’s great mirror.  The soul’s playground.  That narrow section of the ultimate venn diagram wherein man and God intersect.

Then, there’s the Whitney Biennial.  If this stuff is art, and art is “a lie that makes us realize truth,” then grab your southwestern capri pants and throw a few torches into the sunset because we’re all living in an MGMT music video.

Here goes…13 ways of looking at the Whitney Biennial.


#1

Molly:  Can we go on the tour that starts at 7?  I don’t want to think for myself.
Claire:  Yes.  Otherwise I will just be like, “That painting is red.”
Claire and Molly stand around for a few minutes
Molly:  What time is it anyway?
Claire:  7:18….Oh.

#2
There is a lifesize paper bag in the middle of the room. Claire tries to peek inside but then scurries away as she notices an angry docent walking towards her.
Molly:  He almost yelled at you.
Claire:  Yeah but then I moved?
Molly:  Sigh.
Claire:  Well!  Don’t put a giant bag in the middle of the room if you don’t want me looking inside it.
Molly:  Do you have a pen? I’m blogging this.

#3
Claire and I contemplate a 3-D woman sitting in a chair on a rug, guarded by a docent.

Molly: Is that woman real?
Claire:  No.  Maybe? Yes.
Molly:  Yes.
Claire: No?
Molly:  Yes?
Claire:  Maybe she is just painted to look real?
Molly:  Go touch her.
Claire:  No, you!
Molly:  I asked first.
Claire and Molly stare at her for a few more minutes
Molly:  Go try to scare her.
Claire:  Should I sit on her lap?
Molly:  Take a picture for the blog.
Claire tries to take a picture but gets yelled at.
Molly:  Fine.  I’ll sketch her.

#4
Claire realizes I have a hidden talent for lifelike sketches, and as we stumble upon a large, 3-D pipe sculpture, Claire wonders if she does as well.

She does not.

Molly:  Well now, that just looks wiccan.

#5
Claire and Molly run into a tour group.  Score!

Tour Highlights:

-A duck on top of a painting.

-A piece of artwork made to look like a window.  Claire really liked it.  Upon further inspection, we realized it was decidedly NOT art and in fact a real window.

-A man getting yelled at by a docent for being too close to the art.  His response?  “Yeah, well, the artist would want me to be that close.” Well done, man.  Well done.

#6
Next room: Installation art!  In one of the videos, a man is wearing ice skates, and is using ropes and planks to complete an obstacle course, all done upside-down.

Claire:  This makes me feel very insecure about my day job.

#7
WE MET A REAL PIRATE!  Do you know they wear baseball socks?

#8
In one room is an installation piece by Lorraine O’Grady.  You may have heard of her…if you are related to her.  Anyway, she juxtaposes images of Baudelaire and Michael Jackson because she considers them to be the first and last artists of the modernists.  We look at the date of her installation:  2010.

Claire:  She only did this cause Michael Jackson died.

Tru dat.

#9
Molly accidentally steps in a pile of shredded wood canes.

Molly:  Whoops.  I stepped on the art.
Claire:  Great, now I don’t understand it.

#10
Claire and Molly contemplate a couch covered in newspaper clips of President Obama, with pots placed on it.
Molly:  Oh, I get it.  It’s Obama.  And then pots.
Claire:  Sigh.
Moments later, a complete stranger says the same thing to her friend.
Molly:  See?!

#11
Claire and I enter a big box.  Inside it is completely dark.  A digital Robert F. Kennedy head spins around on an axis.  We watch it for what seems like forever.
Molly:  When does he get shot?

#12
Things Claire and I would sell in our Whitney Biennial Gift Shop:

-Real women that look fake

-Fake women that look real

-Men trapped in glass bottles

-Stuffed animals sewn together with corn

#13


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14 Responses to “Claire and Molly Do: The Whitney Biennial!”

  1. Claire April 24, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    We’re pretty hilarious, you know. Why aren’t we famous yet?

  2. Sur Really April 25, 2010 at 7:06 am #

    profound hilarious smarts that you both are. you are famous or i might not have found you.
    someone famous sent me a link to your biennial review and i had to read it right away. i can’t
    be the only one looking.

    • Molly April 25, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

      why thank you Sur.

  3. Claire April 25, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    Was it Lady Gaga?

  4. Sur Really April 25, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    ha! it was a Lady. more dada than gaga though.

  5. NO L (artist name) April 26, 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    You know, you DO have the advantage of knowing an artist, who could have given you a personal one-on-one tour of the whitney. Next time call me, I’ll meet you by the weaving of smoke (did you see that by the way?)

  6. Drewpreme April 27, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    What’s the security guard of Negroid descent or drawn that way metaphorically to convey the evil incarnate of this person impeding on your sense on entitlement? As the conscience of this blog, Uncle Preme needs to know these things.

  7. Sur Really April 27, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

    the security guard of negroid descent? metaphorically? ha! guilt ridden caucasoids? NO L is missing the point. but that’s ok. no one gets everything all of the time or nothing would ever change (if) and l(if)e would loose its spice.

  8. NO L (artist name) April 27, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    Sounds like Sur Really has it all figured out, maybe they could give you some pointers! Actually, I just want to hang out with you two lovely ladies, because lets face it, you are the spicy of my life you two, and that includes Mazz and Aggs. AAM FOR LIFE.

  9. Drewpreme April 27, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    *cues Jeopardy music*

  10. molly April 28, 2010 at 1:01 am #

    security guard/docent was black. I am a realist. Don’t you worry Drewpy.

  11. Daniel May 18, 2010 at 10:07 pm #

    Wait, how do you sew with corn?

    • Molly May 19, 2010 at 12:58 am #

      i think you use the husks

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  1. Three’s Company « Claire & Molly’s World Wide Weblog - April 28, 2010

    […] realized that this blog features a lot of two-person interaction—me and Molly, or Molly and Mazall, sometimes even Mazall and Aggy—but rarely have you delighted in seeing […]

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