My Little Hipster

21 Apr

Hi, how are you? I’m fine. Wait, no I’m not. I’m not fine at all. I’m totally and completely appalled by this:

These fine specimens of unflattering beige blandness are American Apparel’s $72 fake riding pants. Breeches, if you will. For the Craigslist loft-subletting Williamsburg hipster who is trying desperately to recreate the youthful feelings she once had for the Saddle Club book series. Anyone who wears this is a poser.

Close Up: Calf padding prevents chafing against NOTHING

Why would anyone willingly purchase and wear these? Riding pants are inherently uncomfortable and unflattering. Also, they make you look like a pretentious asshole. Not the cool kind of asshole, not like a rock star or Patsy from Ab-Fab.  No, riding pants just make you look like a pampered trophy wife who sips white wine spritzers and tells stories about lunching at the club.

I don’t understand this Horseback Riding Fashion trend. First came the fake riding boots (See: J. Crew’s faux “Dressage” cut boot). But recently, people have moved on to REAL riding boots. Last month I was in Urban Outfitters and I found someone’s used Ariat boots on sale for $65.  I own Ariat boots, they’re ten years old and are at my mom’s house in Chicago. Do I want to wear them around town? No. Why is that? Because they used to be covered in horse poop. Also, I still use them about once a year for—get this—actual horseback riding. And yet some twerp is going to pay $65 so she can trounce around the Lower East Side eating a Vietnamese sandwich and talking about the last movie she saw at the IFC. Great.

Well, fine. If you want to dress like you ride horses, here are some fashion accessories I suggest you buy:

A jacket with horses on it

A feed bucket

A Feed Bucket

A helmet

A helmet

These chaps

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19 Responses to “My Little Hipster”

  1. molly April 21, 2010 at 10:50 pm #

    I think Emily has those pants.

    • molly April 21, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

      and by pants i mean chaps.

      • Claire April 21, 2010 at 11:03 pm #

        Marc owns the bucket

      • Marc April 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

        It doubles as the helmet!

  2. j3ntan April 22, 2010 at 1:09 am #

    LOL! this post was hilarious! 🙂

  3. Meg April 22, 2010 at 7:42 am #

    Those riding pants just seem like an attempt to legitimize “tights as pants” by making them opaque. Despite the benefit of actual fabric, they still fit like tights (see side view). I am not fooled.

    • Claire April 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

      A very valid point

  4. Marc April 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    I object to the comment that riding pants are unflattering. See: Betty Draper.

    • Claire April 22, 2010 at 4:33 pm #

      Most women don’t look like Betty Draper.

      (I mean, except for me, Molly and Mazall)

      • molly April 22, 2010 at 5:54 pm #

        obvi

      • mazz April 22, 2010 at 8:16 pm #

        duh

  5. mazz April 22, 2010 at 8:22 pm #

    HOWEVER, may i say that the way these pants were styled has a lot to do with the hideousness of their existence. these are the type of pants/leggings one wears with an over sized blouse, rough and tough worker boots (unlaced of course), lots of necklaces and a trench coat. just sayin’……

  6. Daniel April 23, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    I would like to place this into the obnoxious category called “thinking WASPs are sexy.” While I suppose one be able to blame Ambercrombie for creating this problem, still, this has gone too far. WASPs aren’t sexy; WASPs actually tend to be sort of inbred and unhealthy. The actual people who ride horses and, thus, wear pants like that tend to be women in their 40s or weird high school girls who go to those creepy horsey boarding schools.

    • Claire April 23, 2010 at 5:52 pm #

      how oddly rude.

  7. Daniel April 23, 2010 at 6:15 pm #

    Maybe they could have put them on a model who actually believes she looks good in them. She obviously does not. (And doesn’t)

    • Claire April 23, 2010 at 6:58 pm #

      “Why am i wearing this?”
      “Ugh, now I have to turn to the SIDE too?”
      “I should have gone to law school.”

  8. Kate April 26, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    Very informative post. As a completely unrelated sidenote, does anyone know what American Apparel’s return policy is?

    • molly April 26, 2010 at 11:08 pm #

      I love you kate

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. This Week in Janice: Condiments, Computers and Commies « Claire & Molly’s World Wide Weblog - May 13, 2010

    […] on your blog. And you haven’t written about me all month. Totally loved/agree about the riding pants poseur fashion look. Have you told your pals about how our car always smelt of ground in horse poop? Even after the car […]

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