Just in Time for the End of Baseball Season…

21 Oct
It relates, I promise.

It relates, I promise.

My bad. I completely forgot that Mene and I came up with a few “guidelines” for attending baseball games (though I’m pretty sure most of these can be extended to all other sports and, well, life). They are as follows:

#1 You can’t wear Yankees jerseys with names AND numbers on the back. This is just plain inaccurate, because the players don’t. If you MUST let the world know that you are a Jeter fan, get a t-shirt or a tattoo. (This is not dissimilar to how Mene wanted to go as Jabba the Hut for Halloween, but only if I went as Sexy Princess Leia. But I didn’t want to go as Sexy Princess Leia because I have a rule about those sorts of things, so I said I would go as a slightly-less-sexy Princess Leia. But Mene ruled it out because it wasn’t completely accurate. Jabba and Leia only had one scene together and it was while she was in the string bikini. )

MENE’S ADDENDUM: If you are a hot girl and your jersey is tight, you can wear whatever you want.

#1.5 But also, no wearing bat boy jerseys (see below). If you like a team enough to buy a jersey, you should have a favorite player.


MOLLY’S ADDENDUM: The only exception to rule 1.5 is if you cheer for a team like that will certainly lose any good player it has (i.e. Marlins). In this case, your money would be best spent on a blank Marlins jerseys with a dry erase board area where the player’s number can be written and then erased when they are traded and replaced by the next minor league prospect.

#2 No picture-taking in the aisles during the games. I don’t care that you traveled all the way from Tokyo to see Matsui and take pictures of yourself with him in the background every single time he pinch-hits. I traveled all the way from Harlem to see the hit that you are blocking.

#3 No leaning towards the play and clapping. We saw the play. We know why you’re clapping.

#4 Unless it’s a subway series, people REALLY need to stop wearing crosstown rival hats at Yankees or Mets games. We get it. You’d rather die in your Mets hat than cheer for the Yankees. SO DON’T COME TO A YANKEES GAME.

#5 No standing and frantically waving to your friends all the way up in section 503 on your cell phone. Not only is it rude, but it’s also kind-of mean. They have nosebleeds to take care of.

#6 No eating from-home fruit of any kind during a game.

yo Williams, is that a PLUM?

yo Williams, is that a PLUM?

#7 No bringing kids to sporting events if you are going to get mad at the occasional swear word. After all, IT’S A F@&%ING BASEBALL GAME!

#8 Sit. Down. As. Fast. As. Possible.


#9 Players who quit taking their steroids are highly annoying and should also be banned.

#10 So should this guy:



27 Responses to “Just in Time for the End of Baseball Season…”

  1. mazall October 21, 2009 at 4:09 pm #

    i just like girls in bikinis.
    i care as much about star wars as i do baseball

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 4:13 pm #

      so A WHOLE LOT

  2. Marc October 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm #

    I officially endorse this post.

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 4:13 pm #


  3. menelaos October 21, 2009 at 4:15 pm #

    Molly: “Who brings a freaking plum to a baseball game?!?!”

    Mene: “You know she’s sitting right in front of us and probably heard that?”

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 4:15 pm #

      She totally heard. Tough love.

      • Marc October 21, 2009 at 6:38 pm #

        If she doesn’t want to get talked about, than don’t bring a damn plum to a baseball game!

  4. Drewpreme October 21, 2009 at 6:39 pm #

    *thinks attending a sporting event with Molly would compromise our friendship*

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 6:39 pm #

      Fine no Knicks tickets for you

      • Drewpreme October 21, 2009 at 6:42 pm #

        You would hate me at a Knicks game. It’s the team I’m most passionate about. (For that reason it would behoove you to bring me when you get them!)

      • Marc October 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm #

        I’m scheduling my next trip around a Bulls/Knicks game and we’re all going.

  5. nsp2109 October 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    Baseball, huh?


    • menelaos October 21, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

      There are other posts on Felicity for you…

      • Molly October 21, 2009 at 10:31 pm #


  6. Molly October 21, 2009 at 8:43 pm #

    Marc it would need to be Feb 17th. Other than that Dec 22 and I don’t think anyone will be in town.

  7. Peri October 21, 2009 at 9:28 pm #

    Molly, I went from loathing your presence to only disliking you with this post. You should combine the cursing and people not sitting- I give them 20 seconds and it goes to SIT THE %&@# DOWN $#@HOLE. They get the point (note, the cursing usually is worse when I have my bodyguard/brother with me)

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 9:34 pm #

      You better not loathe me. I sat in the hall for you!!!

  8. Sookie October 21, 2009 at 9:41 pm #

    Just wanted to point out Molly not knowing the actual rules of the sport shes making up rules for watching (Matsui can only pinch hit once dear)

    Marc you can come watch the Bulls lose in ATL this year too if you want. Id prob chose NYC where you have a guaranteed W

    • Molly October 21, 2009 at 9:43 pm #

      PH, DH, potato, potahto. Just get the Asian girls out of my way! No offense Jackie.

      • Sookie October 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm #

        I now immediately wish the Braves had more asian players. Future Tyler now knows to buy season tickets on the aisle. If you never get to go to games w me (or im home hours late after games end) youll know why

      • menelaos October 21, 2009 at 10:11 pm #

        Well as long as they’re following my addendum to rule #1… they can stay in the aisle. Sounds like Sookie and I are getting season tix next to each other next year.

    • Marc October 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm #


      • Sookie October 21, 2009 at 10:35 pm #

        making Marc not only curse but break a commandment made my day

      • Marc October 21, 2009 at 10:43 pm #

        You should know that you’re setting your bar REALLY low there.

      • Sookie October 21, 2009 at 10:47 pm #

        Been a slow Wed. Life is all about the little victories some times. For instance running at a faster rate than the African guy next to me at the gym was Tuesdays victory.

      • molly October 21, 2009 at 11:39 pm #

        um, was it Bolt?

  9. Cara October 22, 2009 at 11:28 pm #

    I don’t even like baseball, but the times I have gone to games (which is many because my father is obsessed) have made me add:
    1. People who use the term “textbook” in both positive and negative ways in the same game. Ex: their team makes a clean, successful play, and they happily proclaim, “TEXTBOOK, SWEET!” The other team makes a clean, successful play: “They pay that guy that much money to make boring easy catches like that?” I hate hypocrisy. Even in sports.
    2. I second the cross-town-team hat/shirt issue. This occurred at a Dodgers-Cubs game I was at this summer. Angels hat eliciting boos from the crowd… I think they’re just attention whores really, knowing they’ll get booed.
    3. Related to the cross-town team deal – I don’t understand why you wear a completely unrelated team jersey either. The Phillies guy was booed at the Dodgers game, too. Is it just to show that you like sports to wear any old jersey to a game? Maybe I just don’t understand sports…

Go ahead, say it.

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