I don’t even LIKE soy lattes

11 Sep
She also drinks soy lattes

She also drinks soy lattes

German and I were at a bar last night and we’d already ordered beers before we realized it was a karaoke bar.  It was a Thursday (the drinking man’s “bad idea night”) and we were on the Upper East Side, which meant that everyone there was super sloshed and singing late 90s alt-rock songs off key. Someone selected Train’s “Drops of Jupiter,” which has my least favorite song lyric of all time:

“The best soy latte that you’ve ever had/And me”

I never learned all of the words to “Drops of Jupiter,” (funny, that) and last night was the first time I noticed that the song also contained another, equally lame line:

“She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo.”

I can’t decide if this is better or worse than the soy latte lyric. Also, this is the second Train song I know that describes the way a woman exercises;  “Meet Virginia” contains a line about a woman who does Stairmaster in high heels, or maybe the treadmill or something. I can’t remember. That lyric proves the song is fictional. This Virginia woman is clearly a figment of a sad man’s imagination. No woman exercises in high heels. Ever. He probably thinks that women don’t fart either. Well, guess what? We do.

(Sidenote: “Meet Virginia” opens with a line about how Virginia doesn’t own a dress and her hair is always a mess. So is she supposed to be a tomboy slob or a sex kitten? Continuity error!)

The soy latte and Tae-Bo lyrics make the song incredibly dated and they sound stupid.  But are they the worst lyrics ever? Probably not. Some other contenders:

“Lucky that my breasts small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains” – Shakira, Whenever, Wherever
“You wanna put my tender heart in a blender” – Eve 6, Beautiful Oblivion

“This ever-changing world in which we live in” – Paul McCartney, Live & Let Die

“Young, black and famous with money hangin’ out the anus” – Puff Daddy (P Diddy?), Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down

“Freedom has a scent like the top of a newborn baby’s head” — U2, Miracle Drug


The entire “My Humps” song

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12 Responses to “I don’t even LIKE soy lattes”

  1. Marc September 12, 2009 at 7:13 pm #

    This is amazing. Just the other day I was ranting and raving about how Creed, my most hated/despised/reviled band ever, is getting back together. At that exact moment Drops of Jupiter popped on the radio, and I launched into “and then there are THESE fucking guys” tirade. Awful, awful band.

    Also, I nominate “New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits/Chinese food makes me sick” from LFO’s Summer Girls. For one, it doesn’t make any sense, and two hits and sick DON’T RHYME.

  2. Claire September 13, 2009 at 6:14 am #

    My dad loves “Drops of Jupiter.” It’s weird, too, because he hates any song made after 1979 (exceptions: Tracy Chapman, Bjork). And in general, he has pretty good taste in music. He called me on the phone one day and was like “Have you heard of a band called Train?!?” and I laughed at him because at the time, the song had been out for about 4 years. But he owns the album and he plays it regularly.

  3. Drewpreme September 13, 2009 at 8:36 am #

    “I’m like Che Guevera with bling on.” – Jay-Z
    “I’m so 3008, you’re so 2000 & late” – Fergie

    For an all out lyrical fail, that Madonna “rap” song where she mentions pilates.

  4. Drewpreme September 13, 2009 at 8:40 am #

    PS – Conversely, the greatest one liner I’ve heard in a while.

    “Are any you in to chicks like I am, lez-be-hoooonest!” -Drake (aka Young Lightskint)

  5. Megan September 14, 2009 at 2:16 pm #

    Have you seen the “Worst Song Medley” by Garfunkel and Oates? It ends with the soy latte line: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cegC5vS4DuA

  6. Molly September 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm #

    Shout-out to jackie chan with this one:

    Sadness is beautiful;
    loneliness that’s tragical

    -Backstreet Boys “Show me the shape of your heart”

  7. Jackie September 14, 2009 at 3:28 pm #

    “If I was a boy I’d turn off my phone- Tell everyone it’s broken”- the ever gracious Beyonce

  8. Sookie September 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm #

    “Weezy F baby and the F is for phenomenal” Lil Wayne

  9. Claire September 14, 2009 at 5:10 pm #

    “Cheesecake, gobble gobble, cheesecake” – Louis Armstrong

    • Drewpreme September 15, 2009 at 3:01 am #

      Eff that! Cheesecake is good! Satchmo was open off that good 1940’s grass that the jazz musicians were hopped on, and got the munchies. En route to Juniors he was singing that song in anticipation. Who knew it would be a classic.

      I ❤ CHEESECAKE!

  10. mazall September 16, 2009 at 9:52 pm #

    i would like to nominate paul mccartney as an untouchable entity in regards to this blog. not just because he is a ‘sir’, but because i had a wicked crush on his 1963 self while i was in highschool

  11. menelaos September 17, 2009 at 5:24 am #

    What are the chances that Riki Lindhome is single?

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