Alyssa: Anything BUT Status Quo

2 Jun
Alyssa's new status message: NOT SINGLE TONIGHT!

Alyssa's new status message: NOT SINGLE TONIGHT!

Status messages on Gmail or Facebook (wait, shouldn’t Claire be writing this?) reveal a lot about a person.  Everyone has their own style, their own unique way of telling the world what’s up.  Claire’s typically have to do with me (UGH MOLLY!) or journalism (reading about pampered pets for a Q&A tomorrow. Question one: WTF? Question two: Stop it).   Drew’s are either rap lyrics or hilarious (Drew…is gonna go shirtless with a cold one in the driveway. You think property values are down now? Just you wait).  Mazall’s are foreign and minimalistic (le sigh), while Mene’s and Evan’s just never change.  Ever.

But no one compares to Alyssa.  Those lucky enough to see her name at the left side of their Gmail screen are given SERIOUS access to Alyssa’s brain, for good or for bad, because nothing is off-limits.  A random sampling of Alyssa’s topical range….

Employment: “me: i think i need an extra job to afford to live here. my brother: prostitution is legal in nevada.”

Irony: A Red Do Not Disturb Dot accompanied by “distractions welcome!”

The Art of Grooming: “just realized i missed a spot shaving. i hate that. it really does irk me.”

The Media:i thought it was bad when you like a boy and you stare at your phone and hopes he calls. but when it’s a source, it’s WORSE.”

And, of course, Lessons in Love:  “yes, thank you for reminding me, AGAIN, that i’m single. ugh.”

MY favorite thing is that, through her status messages, you can tell that she’s schizophrenic exactly what she’s thinking on any given day.  Exhibit A:

Alyssa‘s new status message – i hate lawyers.   12:56 PM
Alyssa‘s new status message – per my lawyer friends i must change my
statement to i hate MOST lawyers.   1:38 PM
Alyssa‘s new status message – OK NOW I LOVE LAWYERS. HE CALLED!   2:53 PM

In fact, you don’t even have to TALK to her to know what’s going on.  I just leave a chat window open and collect her updates throughout the day.  It’s kind-of like a butterfly net, but one that catches the ravings of a mad woman instead of pretty bugs.  Just kidding!!! (She reads the blog).

Anyway, this brings us to the ultimate status-related event: Alyssa Goes to A Bachelorette Party in Baltimore.  Talk about lifehacking — we didn’t even have to ask her how it was…

Friday, May 29th:
Alyssa‘s new status message – B-more for the bangin’ bridesmaid!

Monday, June 1st:
9AM  B-more for the bangin’ bridesmaid!
10:46AM  still finding glitter on myself from the weekend and not drinking alcohol for a week
10:47 AM  still finding glitter on myself from the weekend … but what a crazy,
fun time it was!!
2:05 PM  “excuse me!!!” — my intro to telling the entire pizza place in fed
hill about jessica’s wedding at 4 a.m. on the microphone 🙂

Tuesday, June 2nd
12:04 PM coolest part of the bachelorette: we were all brunettes!!!
1:46PM uh oh…pics from the weekend starting to be posted on FB…2:54 PM “oh, you were THAT girl” — scott’s reaction to me telling him about my pizza place microphone antics.
5:21PM  I think my back may be sore partly due to attempting to give a piggy back ride to a 200 lb. man as part of Saturday’s scavenger hunt …

Ohhhh, Alyssa…..please never get Twitter.
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12 Responses to “Alyssa: Anything BUT Status Quo”

  1. umm June 2, 2009 at 9:54 pm #

    who says alyssa should not get twitter?

    http://www.twitter.com/gchatter

    • Molly June 2, 2009 at 10:00 pm #

      the world is not ready

    • Alyssa June 2, 2009 at 10:02 pm #

      oh no … ok, really who did this? i don’t like. not one bit. i’m going to hunt them down …

  2. Alyssa June 2, 2009 at 9:55 pm #

    hahahahaha … i think i might pee in my pants. after i put up this blog as my status, OF COURSE!

  3. Claire June 2, 2009 at 9:55 pm #

    my statuses do not always have to do with you! sometimes i’m talking about the other molly. or the dog. or molly pitcher, fictional american war hero.

    • Drewpreme June 2, 2009 at 10:05 pm #

      Molly Pitcher is also one of the rest stop names on the New Jersey Turnpike…

      Whaddup Alyssa!!!

  4. Alyssa June 2, 2009 at 10:12 pm #

    hi drew!!!!

  5. Kendra June 3, 2009 at 5:14 pm #

    HILARIOUS!!!!!!!

    I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing this post is. I love it and it is so damn accurate!

  6. Kendra June 3, 2009 at 5:37 pm #

    You ladies are already making your mark…

    My current gchat status:

    inspired by the blog written about my sister: https://wehaveinternets.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/best_statuses_ever/

  7. Claire June 3, 2009 at 5:55 pm #

    hi, Kendra! And yes, now your gchat people will read the blog too! Oh, we’re gonna get famous

  8. Molly June 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm #

    hi kendra!!!!

  9. Alyssa June 4, 2009 at 6:35 pm #

    yay!!! more blog readers 🙂

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