Diversity Training: Movie Break!

18 May

posterc85ba638035f8cfe3e88ae184a6840f6c87f032a Sometimes, your friends take you by surprise.  Whether it’s Tyler dropping the Kyoto Protocol into normal conversation or Claire telling a story that is not only relevant but also easy-to-follow, every now and then I’m floored by mon amis.  Like this little  ditty from Drew at 9:42 AM on a Tuesday:
“BTW – I’ve decided that Anna Faris is playing you when the Drewpreme movie gets made.  I was watching The House Bunny.”

Needless to say, this called for a Q&A…

Molly: So, first, I need to know a) why you were watching House Bunny and b) Why you would pick a superhot blonde dingbat to play me (aside from the obvious superhot part)?

Drew:  a) Its called NetFlix, Mollingford.  I go on these queue rushes from time to time when I remember to log on to NetFlix and just put on like 20 movies, TV series, documentaries, et al.  So its almost like an iTunes shuffle of cinema.  It gets to the point that I don’t know what I got coming next most of the time, and this is how I wound up with “The House Bunny”.  b) See I don’t see Anna Faris only as a blonde since my intro to her she was a brunette in the “Scary Movie” franchise.  She has a lot of the same mannerisms, facial cues, and vocal inflections as you – as well as a resemblance that becomes more apparent if we dye her hair and Mediterranean her up a little.  She’s a lovable “smart dingbat”, who’s adorably aloof and intelligently dumb like you.  ( I mean that in the nicest way) .  Your part has been cast.

Molly: And what kind of role are we talking here?  Starring? Supporting? Cameo?  Or, worst of all, cutting-room floor?

Drew:  Depending on the story arc you are at least in a few scenes to possibly a supporting role – you’re not winding up on the cutting room floor at all.  Considering that our relationship got me my current job (and all the Thomas Phuckery that comes with it) , and that I’m your NYC spirit animal, I’d have to include you to accentuate my benevolent side, and you’re perfect for urban pratfalls.  I can just see you with me looking for lowfat, low salt, low-carb, no taste, organic snacks while I’m buying a beer in a bodega in Harlem.  Yeah  you’re gonna be a memorable role….

Molly:   Oh, and I guess I should stop asking about me and find out what Drewpreme: The Movie would be about anyway?  Is this like a coming-of-age tale where little Drewpy grows up to be not-so-little anymore, or is this more of a comedic “thiiiiis iiiiiiis the way I live” movie vis-à-vis Superbad or Reality Bites?

Drew:  I guess the first stab at it would be an Old School meets Friday movie.  I think just life in general is funny, and I think movies and TV that can capture the joy in life as the (not so) Average  Joe just tries to make it in the world.  It’s all about the details, and being able to identify the comedic ironies in life that many don’t even recognize until someone brings them out, and then you go “OH MAN! I’ve been there” or you know someone just like that.  I think that’s what made those two movies so great.  Plus I think just navigating the world as a larger than life person (in stature and ego) and the “supporting cast” of the characters I know and love as friends and family would make for some good cinematic times… And yes, there will be a love interest for me.

Molly: Oh REALLY?  So who would play you?  And who would play said love interest?

Drew: Man that’s a tricky question and I have no real idea of who I would pick for that role.  I mean there has to be the obvious physical presence, but there also has to be the depth and comedic element of the character.  I mean, you don’t want some meat head dullard, and then again you don’t want some average-sized dude in there either.  You’re probably gonna laugh at this but I think I’d have Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, as my first pick.  Of course he’d have to be committed to the role and be willing to let his body go, and gain about 80-100 pounds; I’d learn him well.  An out of shape Rock is instant comedy in itself.  As for the love interest, well, I’d have to see how the story is gonna play itself out.  I mean there’s a lot of women out there I’d love to share a moment with.  Too many to narrow down here, but I’d love the auditions and lunch meetings for them (NO CASTING COUCH!)…  I mean I don’t even know where I’d start?  A pre-Nick Cannon Mariah Carey?  Rashida Jones? Life is hard…

Molly:  I will NOT be in a movie with The Rock.  Nor will House Bunny Molly.  Oooooh can Mazall be in the movie?  And Claire?  And the other Claire?  NOT as your love interests though.  Maybe they can be my entourage?

Drew: Well I mean I’d love to star in my own movie.  I think I can fill it out with other star power around me to get the box office action.  So we can shelve The Rock and I’ll star in my own project.  It worked for a lot of people in Hollywood.  In fact it could be my own vehicle for success. I haven’t figured out parts for the Maz and Hirzahoo, but who was Larry David’s wife on “Curb”?  Thats your blogger buddy right there…

Claire

Claire

Molly:  So would this end up being a romantic comedy?  Where the main conflict centers around you finding the perfect Mrs. Preme?  Or would there be other levels of emotional tension, like that time you needed me to help you get a cab?

Drew:  Nah, not a romantic comedy.  Too many good guy movies get derailed by that.  Usually it involves the guy inorganically sacrificing what all the men watching the movie like about him just to get the girl.  The only movies that I think pulled this off well from the male standpoint were Knocked Up and 40 Year Old Virgin.  I’d like to have the love interest be part of the story but not one of the endgames to it.  Actually, what I’d like to do is go through some of the characters I have dated.  Kind of like a more fleshed out version of the club scene in Coming to America, but how that plays in the context of life, along with real moments like job stress and, yes, not being able to get a cab.

Molly:  Well, best of luck Drewpreme.  And if you need any acting help, you can always ask Mazall.

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14 Responses to “Diversity Training: Movie Break!”

  1. Sookie May 18, 2009 at 10:48 pm #

    Worst case go with a racial harmony buddy movie. There hasnt been a good one of those in the 2000’s that I can think of. Harold and Kumar is the closest and thats an indian and chinese dude. We can continue the Chappelle NPH friendship from Undercover Brother

    Needless to say the red carpet and after party of “Big Man Small World” would be cinematic lure for years to come.

    • Drewpreme May 18, 2009 at 11:09 pm #

      The Sookie & Preme Dynamic Duo movie would be a victim of it’s own largesse. I mean where does it start? Me going Clarett in WS? Falling asleep at the wheel on I-85 in downtown Atlanta covered in syrup and grits? Craking you in the ribs with the bathroom door? Gotta reel this one in.

      I will add my other castings upon request. Sookie I have to go with Joel McHale. Taller and funnier than Colin Farrell.

      Mene – Seth Rogen.

      I don’t know mark well enough to cast him!

      • Drewpreme May 18, 2009 at 11:10 pm #

        Sorry that’s MARC.

      • Marc May 18, 2009 at 11:18 pm #

        DEVASTATING. I hope Mazall is paying attention.

        As far as the role of me, I’ve had Bradley Cooper pegged for that for some time now. I can tell you right away to ignore whatever Claire says it should be.

      • Sookie May 18, 2009 at 11:59 pm #

        Well just make it a series. Would def have to be on FX or HBO though. Not like McHale and the actor to be named later wouldnt have the free time

  2. Marc May 18, 2009 at 10:51 pm #

    You used the phrase “meat head dullard”, therefore you are my hero.

  3. menelaos May 18, 2009 at 10:53 pm #

    lol @ the soundtrack to that last link…

  4. Molly May 18, 2009 at 11:52 pm #

    INT. Tyler’s Apartment, Atlanta, GA – DAY

    TYLER reaches for his phone, shaking his head. MOLLY has a look of confusion on her face. TYLER dials Drew’s number.

    TYLER: Yo, you will never guess what just happened. Molly thought “New York” was sung by a guy pronounced “Rah-Keem”

    DREW and TYLER laugh obnoxiously. DREW can hear Molly sigh.

    DREW: Wait, where are you?

    TYLER: In my apartment?

    DREW: Molly’s in Atlanta?

    TYLER: Uh, yeah, she’s been here since Thursday.

    MOLLY: Whoops! Bye Drew!

    DREW, under his breath: Scallywag.

  5. mazall May 19, 2009 at 2:36 pm #

    that link will haunt me for the rest of my life.

    • Drewpreme May 19, 2009 at 7:40 pm #

      “What does your hat say?”
      “A baseball team.”
      (It said Cal, that kid is a lemon)

      Maz in the words of Fernando Lamas… “YOU LOOK MARVELOUS!!!”

      • Sookie May 20, 2009 at 1:58 am #

        Any relation to Lorenzo?

  6. Claire May 19, 2009 at 3:53 pm #

    what? I am not that ugly ho from Curb Your Enthusiasm! She has a horse face.

    • Molly May 19, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

      bwahahahahahahahahahahaha. House Bunny doesn’t. Drew may wine and dine you when I’m out of town but obvi he loves me more.

    • Drewpreme May 19, 2009 at 7:30 pm #

      Claire – Cheryl is considered very hot by us men, and she has the comedic chops that would work in this vehicle. But I will be open for other actresses…

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