The Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat…a (mostly) electronic tale.

5 May
I drink fancy drinks and know nothing about sports.

I drink fancy drinks and know nothing about sports.

Monday. 5 PM. A conversation with Mazall at work, in which our heroinE Molly finds herself face to face with a problem of immense proportions:
me: I kinda need to watch braves mets game tonight
mazall: uhhhhhhhhh
I’ve been telling you about tonight’s plans forever sister! maybe we can dvr?
uh worst nightmare ever
me: tonight was never the three of us bonding over wine! you just said she was coming over
mazall: dude! I wanted you to hang
me: How was I supposed to remember THE FIRST BRAVES/METS GAME OF THE SEASON WOULD BE ON
mazall: uh BECAUSE IT’S THE FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON?????!?!?
me: I do want to hang, and watch baseball, and eat. the perfect storm
mazall: She wants to watch I’m Not There. She’s never seen it.
me: Oh. So you guys are having like a movie night
mazall: omg. I have told you this at least three times
me: oh.
mazall: sigh

5:10 PM. urgent Facebook status update, ovbi
Molly
NEEDS to watch braves/mets tonight and is wondering how to convince Mazall of this….

5:30 PM. To the rescue! G-chat message from my brilliant friend Sarah, fighter of evil and purveyor of good.
Sarah: You should tell Mazall that Stevie Nicks is performing at the “half time show” tonight.
me: omg. epic & I love you.

5:31 PM. Molly delicately sets the plan in action. There’s no turning back now. Too much is at risk…
me: i know why you will want to watch the game with me
mazall: ugh
why
me: guess who is performing at halftime
mazall: THE YONCE?
me: is that code for beyonce?
mazall: yes
me: no. stevie nicks
mazall: SHUT YOUR MOUTH
yess stevie
i’m only watching half time
me: it says “stevie to play at mets game during halftime”
mazall: NICE
i wonder if she’ll take requests
me: they might even let her throw the first pitch
so see? its like our worlds are colliding
mazall: yessss

5:30 – 7:00 PM. Contingents are gathered from near and far. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Support is crucial.
me: I just told mazall that Stevie Nicks was playing during halftime of the mets game and now she says we can watch it
Alex: hahaha beautifully played
*
me: her friend is coming over at 8, so I need her to think that the show is sooner rather than later, so I can do the whole “okay its next, after this inning”
throughout the entire game
Marc: brilliant
me: though i have to get her friend in on it early
cause chances are, the friend is smarter than mazall
and will be like “theres no half in baseball”
problem is, I don’t know who her friend is
Marc: devastating
you need to find that out post haste
and call that fool
this is time for some covert ops
me: i feel like i might slip her a note when we shake hands?
and then distract mazall with something shiny
as the girl reads it
Marc: lol
is mazall there right now?
me: not yet
Marc: damn
my plan was to find out who it is then commandeer her phone
*
Tyler: dirty move
but i like it
me: is stevie even alive?
Tyler: yeah
she was here last week
performing
if not i missed an amazing event
me: LOL
Tyler: well i think you can pull it off until about the 5th
as long as she doesnt see one of the layouts
that shows all 9 innings
and if you need i can text you to ask if the NYC channel showed her performance

7 PM. Game on. Great Success. Well, for Molly. Not the Braves.

9:38 PM. Gchat.
Tyler: has she asked about Stevie yet?
me: omg
it’s amazing
i was like, we must have missed it!
she was like HOW
Tyler: lol
terrible

9:54 PM. Text message to Marc.

“The friend totally gets it. Cracking up because its 9th inning and Maz is like, Where is Stevie?!”

10:01 PM. Gchat.
Marc: hello
me: HI
did you get my last text
Marc: YES
so good
me: too bad the braves lost
Marc: is she still waiting?
me: no she was like “it must have been when we were talking. sad!”
Marc: life is hard

Today. 8:30 AM. A short story.

Molly hears a knock on her door. Mazall is probably making sure she is up. “Yeah, I’m up. Do you need something?” Molly asks.
“Yes.”
Molly cracks her door open, tentatively, and peeks out at Mazall. “Good Morning, Sunshine,” says Molly.
Mazall is not happy.
“So,” says Mazall, a hairbrush clenched in her fist. “Did you make up the Stevie thing so I’d let you watch the game? Because as I was singing ‘Wild Heart’ in the bathroom this morning I realized THERE IS NO HALFTIME IN BASEBALL! (Molly’s note: there is also no crying.)
Molly and Mazall’s friend start cracking up. Mazall begins to squirm and then runs out of the room.
“Love you mean it!” Molly yells after her.

Today. 9:43 AM.
mazall: i’m not kidding, i was putting my make up on and all of a sudden, lightening bolt
“molly duped me”
sob
me: YESSSSSS

oh the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of athletic competition.

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23 Responses to “The Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat…a (mostly) electronic tale.”

  1. mazall May 5, 2009 at 4:59 pm #

    assholes. all of you.

  2. Claire May 5, 2009 at 5:00 pm #

    What the hell? Marc AND Alex? Molly is stealing all of my friends!

    • Drewpreme May 5, 2009 at 5:54 pm #

      Claire you still have me on the buddy exchange.

      BTW: “heroin” is an opiate that drug lord Nicky Barnes made an bundle off of. While “heroine” is the female counterpart of “hero”. Let’s use in a sentence…

      “I always considered Kate Moss a heroine of the modeling world, until I found out she was doing heroin.”

      ‘Preme for the win.

      BTW, Part Deux – What you get for this sort of chicanery Mollingford J. Bratatattat is the Braves losing in a major way.

      Circle gets the square, ‘Preme – game, set, match.

      • Molly May 5, 2009 at 5:58 pm #

        FIRST, really drewpreme with the spelling error call-out? It takes me more time to edit your posts than to write my own

        SECOND, don’t get me started on WHY you might be defending Mazall….

    • Marc May 5, 2009 at 10:56 pm #

      Well, you need to stop having a life and live on gchat. It’s really your own fault for being gainfully employed.

  3. mazall May 5, 2009 at 5:01 pm #

    ALSO, i find it interesting that as all of this was going on i was SLAVING away in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone. ungrateful wench.

    • Molly May 5, 2009 at 5:10 pm #

      Whatever! I INSTANTLY made brownies as soon as you requested them. FROM SCRATCH.

  4. Claire May 5, 2009 at 5:07 pm #

    and why was i not invited? oh wait, because i worked superlategrossfart

  5. Drewpreme May 5, 2009 at 6:04 pm #

    @Mollingford…

    Yeah I had to call that out spelling error out, because drugs are bad, and the last thing I need people to think is that you’ve gone Phyllis Hyman upon moving across 110th Street, and the big city done loused you up. Like I said, I protect you from yourself when you don’t even know it.

    I’d love to hear why I’d be defending The Maz. I’m helping her work through life being hard, and then these type of hijinks happen. Whats next? A cat in the microwave? Bunny boiling on the stove? Wearing Nike socks with adidas? EGAD.

    • Molly May 5, 2009 at 6:08 pm #

      Make no mistake: I am the sunshine of her life.

      • Drewpreme May 5, 2009 at 6:20 pm #

        Gracias, Antonia Montana… “I toe joo meng! Chee not for joo!!!”

  6. Alyssa May 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm #

    Molls, I think you may be evil … either that, or extremely clever. Probably the latter.

  7. Sookie May 5, 2009 at 7:18 pm #

    Claire I am a Friend Open Free Agent. Counter Alex and Marc with me and Drew. I at least like our odds in any athletic situations

    • Molly May 5, 2009 at 7:31 pm #

      Marc and Alex would totally win at golf, scrabble, fantasy baseball and Polo.

      Drew and Tyler have anything where being over 6’4″ is an advantage.

      • Claire May 5, 2009 at 7:47 pm #

        i think tyler and drew could probably beat them in REAL sports. except alex played baseball and maybe he doesn’t suck?

        i would win at at nothing. well, maybe polo.

      • Drewpreme May 5, 2009 at 8:24 pm #

        Sookie’s right Claire.

        Plus Drew can whoop a mickey fickey’s arse and can find grass when your lawn is looking a little bare.

        *awaits Molly*

      • Marc May 5, 2009 at 10:55 pm #

        I am terrible at golf, but we’ll dominate at soccer and possibly contests involving running.

      • Claire May 6, 2009 at 5:41 pm #

        running, like in tag? MARC! when you visit can we play a FREEZE TAG????

      • Marc May 6, 2009 at 7:44 pm #

        I was thinking more like times races and other track type events, but freeze tag is a WAY better idea. or CAPTURE THE FLAG. zomg.

  8. Drewpreme May 6, 2009 at 12:05 pm #

    Oh yeah… The Mets beat the Braves again.

    Karma is a female dog with a fresh litter tugging on her teats…

    • Molly May 6, 2009 at 12:32 pm #

      gave you a run for your money in the 9th though. Forgot what an OBNOXIOUS met fan you are. bleck.

    • Marc May 6, 2009 at 7:43 pm #

      Way to get that fantasy save for me, that was awesome.

  9. Kate May 6, 2009 at 7:48 pm #

    I was going to streak at the halftime show of the mets game.

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