She’s a Lady

22 Apr

So I’m trying to make a mix CD for the Timeys (What? Do you and your co-workers not pour your hearts out to each other in the form of hand-selected mix tapes? Oh.) but I can’t because every song I listen to just sounds like Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”

Um, you've got a little something under your eye...

Um, you've got a little something under your eye...

I really like pop music. I don’t mean Top 40, although that can be good sometimes—Beyonce’s “Ring the Alarm” is arguably the best female pop song of the past 15 years—I just mean pop music in general. You know, anything that is a short, rhythmic, and tasty; the musical equivalent of eating a cheeseburger. The early Beatles were pop. So were the Supremes. M.I.A. is guerilla pop. Kanye West is rap pop. Le Tigre is I-hate-men punk pop. Peaches is sex pop. David Bowie wasn’t pop except for sometimes, when he was. Anyway, my point is that a lot of songs are pop songs. The term is vague and all-encompasing; to call someone “pop” is not an insult. I mean, look at Beyonce and her “my robot hand needs a wedding ring” anthem. That whole performance, from the beat to the dance routine, nothing short of amazing.

Here is what I don’t like: songs that are bland. This is why I dislike Madonna. Also Tom Petty and Bruce Springsteen (sorry, heartland of America). I can recognize that their songs sound okay, I just find myself actively wanting to turn them off. My least favorite song in the world (or at least the one I can think of right now) is “Free Fallin.’” It makes me bored and fidgety, like I’m flying coach on Delta. The first verse is basically a list of everything I don’t want a song to be about. I could care less about sweet girls who love horses and Jesus and America. You’d think I’d be all over that crap since I’m Midwestern and cornfed, but I dunno, it doesn’t grab me. I prefer my musicians dirty, drug-addicted and dead at a young age.

So you’d think I’d like Lady Gaga, right? She’s a Catholic-school-girl-gone-bad who broke onto the scene via seedy clubs and burlesque shows. That is WAY better than the “Um, I used to be on Mickey Mouse Club?” bio most pop stars cop to. When she goes out in public, she frequently refuses to wear pants. Also, she has been photographed not once but twice with teacups. Weird, right? And so fucking amazing.

Only, no. She’s not amazing. I don’t like Lady Gaga. She has a good image, a good back story, really weird clothes and songs that will make all the hairgelled boys in tight t-shirts fan themselves at the cluuuurb. But god, her songs suck. They suck! She sounds like the kind of quasi-Eurotrash that got played in underage clubs in Palatine, Illinois back in 1998. Every time I hear “Just Dance” I immediately think of that Eifel 65 song, “Blue.”

Maybe this is Lady Gaga’s bland, break-out era in which she must conform to the already-defined pop standards and she will wait until subsequent releases to get weirder and funkier (like Christina Aguilera did). I mean, “Poker Face” is her best song and she performs the shit out of it. Just click on that link. That song is NOT boring. But it is only one song. Everything else she does makes me want to take a nap. She might be the next big thing in pop (and despite this entry, I kind of think she will be). But she might not. She might go the way of Ah-Ha and Alice Deejay and Eiffel 65 and the GoGos. Right now, the teacups are not weird enough to sustain her.

—————————————————————–

Bonus rant: When you add Lady Gaga to other people’s songs, she makes them worse. Molly provided an excellent example: Wale’s “Chillin” vs. Wale & Lady Gaga’s “Chillin.” Why does he need to sing with her? Why?!? Why do so many record companies ruin songs with female sexpot cooing? This will be a question for Drewpreme, so stay tuned for the answer.

Bonus bonus rant: Can people who are not blond please stop pretending that they are? It’s cheating.

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15 Responses to “She’s a Lady”

  1. Molly April 22, 2009 at 1:16 pm #

    my Tyler first pointed out the Wale difference to me and it’s HUGE. The song was ruined, RUINED I SAY! Also, he pointed out a comment from the NY Magazine article that I think summarizes how you feel: “I agree I like [Lady GaGa] as a character but music like hers is the reason I love gay men but hate their clubs.”

  2. Drewpreme April 22, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    All these heifers just need a scrub and a good hug. They were probably all really nice girls when they were just working in a small town Applebee’s hoping for more in life. Then they get to the bright lights and big cities and become Cher Chez Le DoucheBags… I think I’m projecting past pop stars.

    BTW – Madonna is going from currently looking like an old gym teacher to moving in to Boca Raton status.

    • Molly April 22, 2009 at 4:25 pm #

      lol @ good hug

  3. Sookie April 22, 2009 at 4:09 pm #

    Molly at least we can enjoy the track as it was intended (and is probably my favorite track of the last year plus). Let the masses continue to be exposed to GaGa. I dont see why there is so much hate. She dresses weird, makes terrible Eurotrash dance music and videos so bad I didnt realize I was no longer watching VH-1’s Most Embarrassing Moments. Plus having her have a few hits wasn’t a total loss as I got Kanye to cut her sample so that makes it sound like shes saying “I Poke Her Face”.

    Keep in mind I never listen to the radio so most of these “pop” stars barely fall on my radar. As you depend on me and Drew to keep you in touch with the skreets, I depend on you for this kinda stuff..and the latest on the CBS Blogs

  4. Drewpreme April 22, 2009 at 7:00 pm #

    What Sookie said…

    (And truthfully I lean on Sookie for newer shit, because my mind doesn’t have the patience to filter through everything that comes out…)

    • Molly April 22, 2009 at 8:57 pm #

      And you are old

      • Drewpreme April 22, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

        I don’t look a day over 27… 🙂

  5. Claire April 22, 2009 at 9:25 pm #

    I’m not even sure why artists make videos anymore. Who watches them?

    • Drewpreme April 22, 2009 at 9:28 pm #

      The better question is when’s the last time MTV showed one?

      • Claire April 22, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

        exactly. and if they’re not playing them, no one will see them, so why make them?

  6. Marc April 22, 2009 at 10:36 pm #

    I’ve still never heard a Lady Gaga song. In fact, until reading this post I didn’t even know for sure that she’s a singer. IN FACT, I’m not even convinced Lady GaGa is a lady.

    • Molly April 23, 2009 at 12:07 am #

      You are the woman!

  7. Megan April 23, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

    Surely the best pop song of the past fifteen years is Jenna’s song “Muffin Top” from 30 Rock?

    Hmm, maybe not.

  8. Ryan July 31, 2009 at 1:49 pm #

    “My Muffin Top is all that, whole grain, low fat. I know you wanna piece of that, but I just wanna dance!”

    “So baaaaaaaack up offa me, you’re weee-ee-ee-eeirding me out (Ah! Ah! AH!)”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Claire v. Marc: Lady Gaga is hot v. Lady Gaga is not hot « Claire & Molly’s World Wide Weblog - July 1, 2010

    […] for her music, I will admit that Gaga’s songs are not groundbreaking on their own. I’ve said it before, but “Just Dance” sounds like an Eiffel 65 remake. My favorite music video is the nearly […]

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