EARTH DAY!!! A brief history of “Going Green”

22 Apr

yes

Your un-factchecked, incomplete timeline of Lean, Mean, Green Things (that have absolutely nothing to do with the environment or “global warming” ).

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Dawn of Time: Fig Leaves first come into fashion, then clothes. Nervous people finally have something to imagine when speaking in front of a crowd.

1835: William Greener invents the self-expanding bullet. Also, the Texas War of Independence begins.

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1862: First US Dollar Bill was issued. Strippers everywhere rejoice.

1912: A Green Monster attacks Boston and major league baseball is forever damaged.

1949: The first green jacket is awarded to Sam Snead at the Master’s. Only old white guys care.

1964: People begin to Do the Dew, health consequences be damned.

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1970: Apparently, it’s not easy being green.

1972: Oh wait, yes it is

1987: Cowabunga, dudes.

December 27, 1991: Kathy Bates eats a lot. Mazall adds one more bad movie to her repertoire.

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1993: Vegetables convert to Christianity.

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1994: Hello, Rachel Green

mid-1990s: Consumption of green m&m’s drastically increases. Also, maybe the population.

1997: Tiger Woods receives his first green jacket. Suddenly ethnic people care about golf.

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June 30th, 1998: Forget the dollar bill. It’s all about the Benjamins, baby.

2000: Jim Carey steals Christmas.

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2001: NADEEEEEEEEEEER!

2003: Eric Bana HULK fail

2008: Ed Norton HULK fail

March 16th, 2008: Molly buys a green hat for St. Patty’s Day.

March 17th, 2008: Drew steals Molly’s hat in cigar-induced rage.

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Fall 2009: Green Day The Musical!

Around 2199: Green Rain

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6 Responses to “EARTH DAY!!! A brief history of “Going Green””

  1. Drewpreme April 22, 2009 at 9:16 pm #

    Note to 1970: If I can paraphrase that damn Jiggerman – “Kermit you made it a hot skin tone, Ray Charles made it a hot song…”

  2. Daniel Luzer April 22, 2009 at 10:01 pm #

    You should have included menthol cigarettes.

  3. Claire April 22, 2009 at 11:11 pm #

    a brief history, hmmm? interesting rubric title…..

    • Molly April 22, 2009 at 11:59 pm #

      Thanks I thought of it all by myself!

  4. Mad Bluebird April 23, 2009 at 3:50 am #

    I cant afford to go green those rediculous COMPACT FLORECENT are too expensive im not about to go vegan, and i dont care to ride a dumb pink bicycle 30 miles to do shopping

    • Molly April 23, 2009 at 2:34 pm #

      eff the earf?

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