Why does my roommate want babies? I dunno. Let’s ask her.

8 Apr
"Mazall" with her roost

"Mazall" with her roost

So, in a freak occurrence, I was wrong and Mazall was right. Absolutely Fabulous is quite good. Once you get past the obnoxious laugh track and Patsy’s teeth, that is. Admitting I was wrong is typically very troubling for me, except that there are just so many other things to make fun of Mazall for. The “books” she reads, the “food” she eats, the “guys” she dates. Also, she wants babies. Lots of them. She’s not Mormon.

So why?


Molly: Why do you want babies so much? Don’t you have enough to take care of (i.e. me)?

Mazall: Granted, it is a full time job making sure you don’t burn the apartment down (Molly’s note: there were NEVER flames it just got really, really hot), but I’d love me some babies. They’re so cute and cuddly and sweet and can you tell me the last time an adult looked at you with the same wide-eyed openness? I think not.

Molly: Yes. Drew, last Saturday. 2AM. Okay but seriously, dogs also do all that, and you don’t have to birth them.

Mazall: Yes but dogs get old and stinky and arthritic and only last 15 years. If everything goes smoothly with a baby they’ll be around for 60ish years (if not more) and by the time they’re old and stinky and arthritic we’ll be dead!

Molly: I’m glad you said ‘we’, because after a few glasses of wine, some baking, and a Baby Mama screening, Claire and I hatched a brilliant plan (pun intended). Since you are not scared of childbirth, what if you have our babies FOR us? We would use our own fertilized eggs, obviously (don’t want any of what you got…), and we are fine with throwing them in the oven along with yours (SISTERS FROM DIFFERENT MISTERS!). Pretty please? We would totally take turns going to Lamaze classes with you and will throw in a prenatal massage.

Mazall: You mean la MAZZ class?? Get it!? GET IT!? Okay, but no. No, I will not have your and claire’s babies. First off, who said I’m not scared of giving birth? The last thing I want is for my body to be completely unrecognizable and have a 6 lb+ object forced out of my you know what. Uh UH with that. Also, I’m definitely not going to be one of those teeny, tiny, yoga going, grass eating pregnant women. I’ll be fat and hormonal and rubbing vitamin E on my stretch marks and I’m only doing that for ME.

Molly: You are so incredibly selfish. Also, do you happen to have a picture of you surrounded by babies for this post?

Mazall: No, I do not.

Molly: Fine. May I photoshop your head onto Angelina’s body?

Mazall: Yes you may.

Molly: Okay, it’s gonna be bad cause I don’t have photoshop at work.

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17 Responses to “Why does my roommate want babies? I dunno. Let’s ask her.”

  1. Claire April 8, 2009 at 5:32 pm #

    1. Mazall AND CLAIRE were right about AbFab.

    2. Ewwww enchiladas?

    3. Also, after you have my baby can you raise it for me? Because in addition to disliking pregnancy/childbirth, I also dislike children.

    4. Dogs are not stinky if you bathe them in lavender-scented doggy bubble bath. Which I may or may not do.

  2. Claire April 8, 2009 at 5:36 pm #

    MAZALL IS SO MEAN :o(

    me: what if we promised to have really tiny babies?
    me: like, you could smoke and drink and not take prenatal vitamins
    mazall: N.O.

  3. Claire April 8, 2009 at 5:37 pm #

    ok, wtf. ignore the weird smiley face.

  4. mazall April 8, 2009 at 5:40 pm #

    ok, i’m putting all y’all (and by all y’all i mean molly and claire) on a read alert watch for child protection agencies. the second you pop em out prepare to be followed. this post/comments are evidence enough that you’re both CRAY CRAY.
    i’ll totally let you guys have supervised visits with my kids though!

  5. Molly April 8, 2009 at 6:45 pm #

    Claire I’m a little upset you are 3 comments deep without mentioning my excellent photo skillz…

  6. Drewpreme April 8, 2009 at 6:55 pm #

    Aw… Thanks Mollingford. I’m touched you caught that look in my eye.

    Mazall I can give you the same look, and I’m also up for the challenge. I’d be a great dad, and am looking for a familial challenge after years of absorbing life’s lessons the hard way. The next generation of Drewpremes can benefit from it.

  7. Molly April 8, 2009 at 6:57 pm #

    DREWPREME! Are you hitting on my roommate on my BLOG?

    • Drewpreme April 8, 2009 at 7:04 pm #

      I’m just saying, since she’s the common law wife as one of my dear friends, I’m just trying to help where I can. Sorry if it came off crass or uncouth…

  8. mazall April 8, 2009 at 7:38 pm #

    *redacted*-drewpreme is kind of the coolest hyphenated name EVA.

    • Drewpreme April 8, 2009 at 8:11 pm #

      Looks good on the back of a jersey and is a great rapper/DJ name.

  9. mazall April 8, 2009 at 8:01 pm #

    also, i don’t want ‘lots of babies’. just one, MAYBE two.

    • Molly April 8, 2009 at 9:13 pm #

      is that including or in addition to mine?

  10. Claire April 8, 2009 at 9:11 pm #

    what? but you’re from Utah!

  11. mazall April 9, 2009 at 1:46 pm #

    sigh.

  12. Kate April 13, 2009 at 5:15 pm #

    I would just like to point out that even if you HAD photoshop at work it would not make a difference.

    Would post the link to our Christmas picture if I wasn’t too lazy.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Fridays With Evan: Weekend Edition « Claire & Molly’s World Wide Weblog - April 12, 2009

    […] Is it scientifically possible for Mazall to carry three babies at one time: one that’s hers, one that’s Molly’s and one that’s mine? Also, […]

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