Diversity Training with Drewpreme

2 Apr


DDD: Drew Don't Discriminate

DDD: Drew Don't Discriminate

When we read Drew’s comment about Claire’s mother, Janice:

 Your mom has just surpassed Meredith Vieira on my “Slightly Older Non-Urban Women I’d Like To Drink A 40 & Kick It On The Porch With On A Summer Afternoon” List

We snort-laughed at the thought of Drew, Mer, two rocking chairs and 80 ounces of beer.  What would they talk about?  Where’s there a porch?!  Forget Barack Obama or Halle Berry….THIS is why MLK had a dream.  Obviously, we needed to see the rest of that list.  Drew’s response, after the jump:

So I’ve always made arbitrary lists of things.  This started in earnest when Hip-Hop became a little more academic amongst my peers in the mid-90’s and your “Top Five Rappers Of All Time” list would spark hours of debate.  Seeing how much of a conversation starter it was, I would find myself making lists of random things and, as the practice grew, so did the relative absurdity of the list titles.  But no matter how absurd your list and its components are, you should always be able to show and prove on it.  So in keeping with the newfound Thursday tradition, Mollingford asked and Drewpreme obliged…

Julie Newmar – An original; of the women listed here probably the only one that started out as a legitimate crush.  Now granted, I was all of six years old when I first found Ms. Newmar playing Catwoman on the Adam West “Batman” TV show.  She was awesome.  (Actually “Who’s Your Favorite Catwoman” is a whole ‘nother list itself – Newmar, Kitt, Merriweather, Pfeiffer, Berry.  Sorry for the tangent.)  But looks aside, Jules is a pretty happening chick.  Her legs were once insured for $1M, she’s taken on the noise from leaf blowers when they were all the suburban rage, is currently working on a book, and brought in 2009 at the Playboy Mansion.  I mean, seriously, I’m sure she has a world of stories to tell and even if I have to mentally picture her 30 years ago, I’m down to crack a cold one and pull up rocking chairs with her.  “To Drewpreme, Love Julie Newmar…”  eff Wong Foo in the A.

Pat Summit – Winningest College Hoops Coach EVAR.  Pat’s the (Wo)MAN.  I’ve always had a thing for women’s college hoops.  It started out as just enjoying seeing a plethora of six foot women, that weren’t living off of napkins and cigarettes (sorry Bryant Park!).  But as time progressed, I appreciated the nuances of the women’s game.  Yeah, its not above the rim, and it can be a little odd compared to the men’s game, however the Tennessee Lady Vols were the OG’s of this hoop thing and I have to pay homage to a legend.  I’ll admit I rocked with their rival UConn during the Diana Taurasi years (that’s another story), but I’d love to head on down to Knoxville and chop it up with Coach Summitt.  Pat Summitt this 40 is for you and if you ever go 40-0 we’ll have an ounce for each victory.

Kathleen Turner – I have to admit I haven’t seen a Kathleen Turner movie since “Serial Mom” which I truly enjoyed.  This is probably a sympathy pick, because I remember reading in the New York Daily News about how her “personal life” has fallen off since her divorce and other problems.  I mean honestly, I think it has more to do with her looking nothing like the person of the “Body Heat” and “Romancing The Stone”, hell even “V.I. Warshawski” –  Katie has gotten really frumpy. Due to that I’ll saddle up to her and we can crack a cold one and figure out a comeback or something.  We’re all good until Cybill Shepherd comes along, and then I’m gonna have to act like I don’t know you. 

Ellen Degeneres – I got mad love for Ellen.  First of all we share the same birthday (Jan 26), also she has a sneaker closet that is pretty impressive.  Ellen steps out every day in a fresh pair of Adidas.   She keeps an in-house DJ for her show and she likes to get her two step on.  I give Ellen a lot of credit; she risked career suicide to put her life out there and came out winning in the end.  Also, I admire her for not succumbing to that coat tail riding Succubus, faux-Lesbian Anne Heche, whose career subsequently tanked.  Ellen seems like a cool cat who would be an interesting conversationalist, which is why she makes the list.

J.K. Rowling – I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, and despite the cop-out ending of it all, I gotta give props to J.K.  Going from welfare mom to getting that Oprah Money is some phenomenal stuff…. Plus I’d like to know what she was on to come up with 4,000 pages of this whole other world of magic and muggles, and that can she bring some of it to share while we down a quart.  I’m sure it’s gotta be that OOOO-WEEEE!!!

Edina Monsoon & Patsy Stone (Jennifer Saunders & Joanna Lumley) – OK these are the OG’s of this list behind Julie Newmar.  I stumbled into Ab Fab back in college, because you watched whatever came in clear over the antenna (Yes, I had no cable in my dorm room and was in college BEFORE the Internets – life was hard Mazall).  Ab Fab came on at random times on the Philly PBS affliate and I was sucked into the world of these haute-couture fashionista chicks who were walking around with champagne bottles way before Diddy and the Jiggerman.   Entertainingly rude in a benevolent sort of way, the day-to-day foibles of these two women roped me in and I was hooked.  Ever since then I’ve been wanting to ride shotgun with these nutters and replace their Stoli and Bolli with a 40.  Pip-Pip and Cheerio dahling…

Meredith Vieira – As a bachelor, although you may wake up alone, you still have that same woman you wake up to every morning.  As an NBC man (Molly’s note:  Thanks a lot, Drew), I catch the tail end of Darlene Rodriguez in the morning, but by the time I’m fully away its all about the Today Show.  Merry, Matt, and Al get my day moving with the national and world events.  Spending 80% of your waking mornings with the same newscaster causes one to develop a certain affinity for them and creates a space in your mind that you’d really like to meet this person at some point and kick it with them.  (I’m sure ladies you feel the same way about Matt Lauer.)  Meredith is smart, on-point, yet doesn’t take herself too seriously, and this range of personality gets her on this list.  (NOTE: For the longest, this spot was held by ESPN’s Linda Cohn when she held down the regular AM SportsCenter.)


6 Responses to “Diversity Training with Drewpreme”

  1. Drewpreme April 2, 2009 at 4:04 pm #

    I would also hope that after all of this these women don’t think I’m after their purse if we’re on an elevator together.

  2. Molly April 2, 2009 at 5:43 pm #

    they still will.

  3. Drewpreme April 2, 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    Their loss.

  4. Sookie April 2, 2009 at 6:36 pm #

    2 comments Preme.

    1) Kathleen Turner has now played a transgender or drag queen in multiple roles since Serial Mom…not a good look for your crush or her

    2) Im glad the Diana crush finally played out. It took some next level ish there for awhile

  5. Drewpreme April 2, 2009 at 6:41 pm #

    LOL @ Sookie LaRock. Yeah Katie Turn looks hella horrid. If I was going with a crush on that one I would have gone Cybill Shepard who always trumped KT. Like I said – sympathy pick.

  6. Sookie April 3, 2009 at 4:44 am #

    Rule to Live By For White Women and Purses Preme: The older the white woman the more she clutches her purse in the presence of minorities.

    Ironically the younger the white girl the more minorities she has on her roster.

    Older clutches the purse
    Younger opens the box

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