This Week in Janice Vol. 2

1 Apr

So I realized that I should probably tell my mom that I’m going to write about her. She doesn’t really know how to use the Internet (see: phone call I received at work in which she said that she couldn’t get Google to load and asked me if websites ever take days off) so it’s not like she would stumble across this blog on her own. Well, unless she did a search for “polio.” Apparently everyone who comes to this blog finds it by searching for information about polio. Anyway, so I thought I should tell my mom what I did. I emailed her to ask her permission.

Janice in 1968

Janice in 1968

Subj: MOM.

MOM.

So I have been forwarding some of your emails to my friends because they’re so funny – especially the one about when you wanted a name for an opossum. They find you hilarious. The other week, my friend Molly and I started a blog (link here). I put a few of your emails on the blog and people LOVE them. LOVE them. I hope this is okay. I have left all personal information out of the emails, although I did put up a pic of you from when you were in high school. But I made it small so no one could see it.

Can we make you an Internet sensation???

– Claire

Subj: Re: MOM

Will look for high school pic of Moi with T & A- Proud to say, once my best features- This will force me to unbox some stuff!!! thanks for the motivation. (Electric Purple ’60’s bikini shots are around here somewhere???) Love YOU, Take care, MOM (After yrs of wanting to be valued for me mind and moral/ethical code, and finally reduced to using my looks, now that it is too late!!!

….half a day later…..

Subj: a more rational response from MOM

Hi Hon- Finally got around to actually looking at your website. Realize you do not need a bikini picture-(I was going for a marketing thing–men will read anything with racy stuff.I also had the thought this morning–from too much caffeine –that I could start a website for old broads like me called “Babes of the 60’s and 70’s” —and charge money for old ladies to post their bikini photos from their youths. Payback for them is the thought of foreign nationals with unpronounceable names drooling over “nonexistent women”-a self-esteem upper for the menopausal set, see? Then I decided that was stupid and got on with my day.)
My picture you used is my senior yearbook photo. I was chosen “Most something or other” from High School that as [yearbook] editor, I snuck into the yearbook past the teacher/censor-but I probably already told you that. If I remember right, someone explained its significance to her after the yrbook came out, but, by then, it was too late, although I think the teacher/supervisor got yelled at.(And Bill Ayres thinks he was an “activist”-he got caught didn’t he? I taught you, remember, Never get caught!)
I am trying to make this intentionally long so that I will recieve “professional editing” if I accidentally say anything amusing that you want to copy. Your friends are all uniquely adorable (perhaps I should change that to Cool, or Da Bomb or whatever is currently aprropriate.) However, I will not be forwarding you website to my buddies, as, I am not sure they would appreciate you kids. Hidden arthereosclorosis (SP?) causes” narrow mindedness” in some oldsters. LOVED the crazed PETA lady stuff — she is Madder than the Hatter!!! If I knew how to cut and paste, THAT I would send to all my pals! Umbrella stand feet- maybe she has really big feet? Disappointed in love, from large feet, she founds organization…??? Take care, Love you, MOM (PS: Thunder the hamster became “Little Thud” [after the accident] -I think your father gets credit for that empathetic epithet! You could have mentioned that she lost an eye and had a partially caved in skull, but after $100 of emergency vetenary care,she lived out her long two year hamster life .She was always my favorite.).Take care again,Love, MOM

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9 Responses to “This Week in Janice Vol. 2”

  1. Drewpreme April 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm #

    You mom has just surpassed Meredith Viera on my “Slightly Older Non Urban Women I’d Like To Drink A 40 & Kick It On The Porch With On A Summer Afternoon” List.

    (Martha was on that list. Then I started working for her.)

  2. Molly April 1, 2009 at 1:07 pm #

    your mom reads our blog. life is complete. Also I’m pretty sure “Most something or other” was “Most likely to grow up and become the most amazing e-mail writer ever”

  3. Claire April 1, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    Interesting fact: Janice doesn’t drink.

  4. Molly April 1, 2009 at 3:39 pm #

    When you have a 3 foot long pipe, I don’t think you NEED to drink

  5. Alyssa April 1, 2009 at 3:42 pm #

    Janice is completely incredible. There just really aren’t words to describe her emails ….

  6. Alyssa April 1, 2009 at 3:43 pm #

    oh, and the best part is it’s april fool’s day and there’s not fooling around in her emails.

  7. mazall April 1, 2009 at 6:47 pm #

    janice used “da bomb” in the same sentence as “currently appropriate”. LOVE.

  8. claire - the other one April 3, 2009 at 9:19 pm #

    Claire- you should totally post your mother’s emails on this website:

    http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/

    Some of the above material gives the “Best of” section a run for its money.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Diversity Training with Drewpreme « Claire & Molly’s World Wide Weblog - April 2, 2009

    […] When we read Drew’s comment about Claire’s mother, Janice: […]

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