Wildlife Lessons Learned in Harlem Whilst Watching TV

Remember, they are just as scared of you.

Tonight, Mazall and I happened upon The Edge, aka the ultimate bromance movie, written by David Mamet, starring Anthony Hopkins and the always-entertaining Alec Baldwin.  In case you haven’t seen it (though I’m pretty sure we were the last two people on Earth not to), the two men find themselves stranded in Canada and/or Alaska after birds attack their plane.  Not only was the movie awesome, but it also taught us valuable lessons/skillz for surviving the wilderness in case we ever crash there in our private plane.  They are as follows:

How the Other Half Lives: the Black Tie Edition

Not our Claire

We don’t say “No” to much. Throw in a nice round number of celebs, free martinis, and a reason to wear sparkles, and you pretty much seal the deal. Which is what happened Tuesday night, more or less, with a way fancy event we are calling the “Newsweek 99″ (wait for it).

Oh, except that Molly did say “No”, for unfortunate reasons we won’t go into here. Needless to say, Claire was wrought with devastation. “BUT WE COULD HAVE BLOGGED IT!,” she e-squeaked. “And we still can,” said Molly.

So here it is folks, a time-coded comparison of our Wednesday nights. Claire in pink, obvi.

This Just In: Life Still Hard for Mazall

Life is harrrrrrd

For some people, life is quick and easy.  For Mazall, it’s still very, very hard. Unless it’s not.

Apr 6, 2009 at 4:02 PM
mazall:  ugh
stupid bank
in the rain
ugh
life is hard

Apr 6, 2009 at 5:49 PM
mazall:  ugh what am i going to have for dinner
i’m so sick of eating.
life is hard

Apr 6, 2009 at 5:49 PM
mazall:  i just had a glass of perseco at work. life is NOT hard

Apr 7, 2009 at 1:56 PM
mazall:  i just used the word cinchy
life is not hard in the 80′s!
me:  what does that even mean?!

Wed, Apr 8, 2009 at 10:39 AM
mazall:  all my blouses smell like cooked meat.
life is hard

Apr 8, 2009 at 12:44 PM
i need more coffee
life is hard
(Molly’s note: please note the time)

What the F is wrong with Ingrid Newkirk

So PETA’s president/co-founder/dried up old—you know, I shouldn’t finish that thought— has posted her will on the Internet, in all its mentally unhinged, pink background glory. Note the photograph. Ms. Newkirk looks sort of like Ellen Degeneres, sort of like Stuart Smalley and sort of like that mannish woman who is in all those Christopher Guest movies.

Here are some gems from the will:

1. The “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh.

2. That in remembrance of the elephant-foot umbrella stands and tiger rugs I saw, as a child, offered for sale by merchants at Connaught Place in Delhi, my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them